_yew.sae.goodbye.too.many.time.but.im.stil.holding.on_

2007-03-22T12:49:00.000-07:00

many things happen for this past few daes.
im speechless.things shld jux be left unsaid.
but many things are rammaging thru my mind.
i cant possibly find a reason to voice it out.
many ppl seems to be rather against me.
my frens all are just simply siding her.
not me.i mean,happiness is mine.
the hurts i'll ownself endure.
sigh.wad a melancholy life rite now.
but after 20march,im happily.
veri happy in life.but sumtimes,
i jus dun feel love.
i mean,sigh,i dunno wad n how to sae.
im afraid to end it all.
im afraid tt happiness would onli come in awhile.
n when im reali happi,it'll jus be gone.
it'll jus fall apart.
i noe renee's leavin will bring a great impact to my life.
but sumthings which are nt meant to be mine,
will just leave me side.
i rather choose to end it all now with her.
im happi tt we are still frens.
i need a life of my own,
ive gone thru so much,
finally able to bid goodbye to her.

im sorri.but i hope you'll understand.
n im attached!!!!
hahas happiest moment this yr!=]

PS:true love will be UNFOLD! =]

2006-12-11T10:40:00.000-08:00

alright i miss someone.

infact,its everyone.

i miss janelle.

i miss kuku butt.

i miss pigtan.

i miss sweetie.

i miss those time when im with janelle.

she bring me joy.

even though i cant stand her sumtimes.

hearin songs tt remind me of her.

lookin back at those pictures i take with her.

lookin back at my diary with date when i go out with her.

now,wads wrong?

why do things end up this wae?

i felt like tellin janelle.

i realli miss her.

miss those times.

esp tt dae when she sae she wants to leave me.

haiiss.she has a special place in my heart.

a veri special place infact.

treat her jux like a jewel in my life.

does she noe?sadly,i dun think so.

i wann janelle back in my life.

now,its kuku butt....

no longer close to her.

she wouldnt miss me like how i miss her...

she wouldnt think of me anymore.

wouldnt care for me.

haiiss.

i reali regret not cherishin her!=[

i wan to be close.

jux like how kuku,me n janelle was.we were so close den.

but sadly,its all in the past.

i miss alot people!!=x

2006-12-09T10:45:00.000-08:00

that dae went out with yeoyeo.

wad a hectic dae it was.hahas.

oh well.yeoyeo make me realli happi.

but i dun wan any happiness from her.

haiss oh well.enough of saein too.

im down.down down down...

who will help me thru?

2006-12-03T11:48:00.000-08:00

christmas is around the corner.

last year i wish for esther.

wad abt this year?

im thinkin of sth.

i wanna let go of sth.

i wanna be back with sum1 else.

but i guess its beta this wae.`

maybe al things are beta this wae=]

i dunno wad to wish for.hahas.i jux hope me n yeoyeo will stay as frens.

closer den ever before.

and many many more things.

*wishing hard*

hopefully santa claus will fufill my wish.

i wan santa to grant my christmas wish=]

2006-12-03T10:28:00.000-08:00

i want to delete this blog veri soon.anywae its all in the past.i will forget the past,i mean start a brand new life with new people ard me.new frens n new enviroment.this blog is all about my past life.i tink if i jux keep it,i will dwell deeply in the past.so i will delete it veri soon.

anywae,i have performance at hdb hub tml.wish me all the best.

im veri excited.after tml, will be able to go out with yeoyeo.hahas.oh well...i wan noe hu yeoyeo like lei.hmmm ermx..i goin sentosa with her.den maybe going vivo city to eat.ive nvr been to there before.she promise me she'll bring me to the candy shop.den i wanna go the pool too.hahas.she will owax be rmb by me de.cuz she will be the first to bring me there.hahas.alright.i still got many on coming date with her hahas.wonder wad will she blog abt me?hahas,i miss alot alot of ppl.

happi bdae to my dearest kuku!

i miss esther ye!

i miss jazmin n katherine.

i simply miss alot of ppl!

remember me this way=x

Ev'ry now and then We find a special friend

Who never lets us down

Who understands it all

Reaches out each time you fall

You're the best friend that I've found

I know you can't stay

But part of you will never, ever go away

Your heart will stay

I'll make a wish for you

And hope it will come true

That life will just be kind

To such a gentle mind

If you lose your way

Think back on yesterday

Remember me this way

I don't need eyes to see

The love you bring to me

No matter where I go

And I know that you'll be there

Forever more, a part of me

You're ev'rywhere

And I'll be right behind your shoulder, watching you

I'll be standing by your side in all you do

And I won't ever leave

As long as you believe

You just believe

2006-11-19T11:51:00.000-08:00

i update onli because esther ye wants me to update.hahas haiya'i veri busy lahh....wahahaha.....

happiness is;to noe the saviour=]

2006-10-04T21:39:00.000-07:00

yesterdae tt evania chua scold me.i veri sad lei.haiiss i noe i veri kpkb.but den why muz she sae me loh.im veri sensitive to the word KPKB de loh.haiiss if she wan scold oso dun have to sae me until like tt.

haiiss...den tt esther ye oso wont be kind enough n help me lahh.den tianqin dey all..haiiss i feel so hurt lahh.why muz she sae me?haiiss summore tok abt my parents.dey die le get it?haiiss hate her lahh okie.she keep saein me EVA SINCE LAST YEAR!!!

my exams was okie.i tink i will jux be veri upset whenever i see esther ye lahh.haiiss...

everyone oso like tt now i noe le...i wont trust everybody le loh.so sad lahhs....haiiss

2006-09-30T06:43:00.000-07:00

i dunno wad has got into me.oh mine im so dead.haiiss eams cumin im rather stress over it.will i or will i not?uh oh.im so damn dead.

2006-09-28T10:21:00.000-07:00

Wish I could be the one

The one who could give you love

The kind of love you really need

Wish I could say to you

That I'll always stay with you

But baby that's not me

You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you

Promise you forever, baby that's something I can't do

Oh I could say that

I'll be all you need

But that would be a lie

I know I'd only hurt you

I know I'd only make you cry

I'm not the one you're needing

I love you, goodbye

I hope someday you can

Find some way to understand

I'm only doing this for you

I don't really wanna go

But deep in my heart I know this is the kindest thing to do

You'll find someone who'll be the one that I could never be

Who'll give you something better

Than the love you'll find with me

Oh I could say that I'll be all you need

But that would be a crime

know I'd only make you cry

I'm not the one you're needing

I love you, goodbye

Leaving someone when you love someone

Is the hardest thing to do

When you love someone as much as I love you

Oh I don't wanna leave you

Baby it tears me up inside

But I'll never be the one you're needing

I love you, goodbye

Baby, its never gonna work out

I love you, goodbye

2006-09-28T10:00:00.001-07:00

so many things are happenin nowadaes.can anyone tell me wad i exactly wants in life?haiiss i jux feel veri veri sad.i have so many things to sae.but it seems like no one noes how i feel.n im so afaid of saein it out.i will tear.ive been keepin it all tomyself for so many weeks.i keep on runnin away from those problems tt i muz face.i noe i have to be strong.but i jux cant go on.i feel so empty.haiiss.im solost.so so lost.

2006-09-28T10:00:00.000-07:00

2006-09-14T07:56:00.000-07:00

no one noes how much hurts esther has given me.i dunn wanna tink of her.i am hurt.im scare.im afraid.she make my life so miserable.i sae tt i tink of her i will feel sad.why cannot sae tt mehhx?i scare im not yet over esther or wad.haiis i realli veri veri scare.renee ask me todae if esther did like me before.i dunno how to reply.i watch mvp.den i jux feel so sad.cuz last time i tok to esther owax watch tt.im realli afraid.everythin seems so sudden.i realli wanna cry out veri soon.if onli esther hasnt cum into my life.having to tink of all this,im goin mad soon.i dun wanna tink anymore.maybe all this shouldnt have happen.im actualli happi with goin on with my life.or am i jux kidding myself?wad am i doing?i hope i will be okay.can anyone guide me?

esther realli hurt me badly!i wanna break down soon!

2006-09-14T07:26:00.000-07:00

i veri sad lei.haiis if i were to tink of how my kuku suffer,gosh i cant bear to see her sufferin.i realli wan to help her.oh well i will try de.but i dunno how to.i dunno wad to do.ive go thru this before.but my situation is not as saddening as my kuku's de. i jux wan kuku to have the best.n to be happy.nth more den tt.i will do anything for her. AND I LOVE MY HUBBY.i love my kuku butt in law oso loh.yupp.

im keepin sum heavy burdens in me rite now.haiiss..no one noes except dunno lei..im afraid im realli veri veri afraid.im afraid i will cry.
haiiss

2006-09-10T07:30:00.000-07:00

my mp4 lost lei!but nvmx bahhs.maybe its meant to be lost.oh well...but its okay.hahas anywae.oh well...many things are happening.
tml school's gonna start.its a brand new dae again =x

2006-09-09T15:32:00.000-07:00

many thins have been happenin in my life nowadays... mayb i should juz explain it in a easier way.. oh well, firstly, i and janelle hasnt been contactin each other. i tried not to think abt it. ever since the day he left, my life was juz so incomplete. everythin didnt go smoothly.. mayb i'm juz being very naive myself... i shouldn have tot tat everythin wil gose my way.. i shouldn even have tot of those princess dreams.. i'm no body to think it tat way.. i'm nth compared to other.. i've neglected many tat cares for mi.. and nw my worse nitemares came true.. other are doin the same to mi.. y so ppl have to go on with such obstacles in life? my heart's filled with sorrow and melancholy rite nw.. ppl do come and go in our life.. so i'm learin to accept the fact.. i have to be strong and welcome other new ones to come.. i only wanted a sense of belongin.. but is it to hard to ask for? i've nv expected tat everythin will turn out wrong.. so damn wrong.. wil everyone tel mi tat i'm juz thinkin too much.. nth is going wrong.. i'm juz the sensitive one.. wil anyone show mi the way out? i'm lost and trap in this dark world.. how am i suppose to get out? depressions are overcomin mi once more.. i dun wanna let all this become a part of my life.. i simply juz hate havin my life... hai....

2006-09-09T01:13:00.001-07:00

im not sure if im goin to stay over in renee house lei.alamak.hahas cuz im feeling quite sick loh.how...haiiss.anywae...i love band!im goin to be mad for band.band means alot to me.i cant bear to leave lahhs.haiiss.

im jux being bored now lahh.i havent even complete my homework lahhs...i need to complete it first lohh.hahas...anywae,

SUPER MARIO ROX N SO DO PERCUSSION BAND!

2006-09-09T01:13:00.000-07:00

SUPER MARIO ROX N SO DO PERCUSSION BAND!

2006-09-08T09:46:00.000-07:00

im putting all my past hurts behind.let me noe tt u are the one who can brighten up my dae.dun ever hurt me like how others does.dun u ever dare flirt behind my back.i wont ever wan to tink tt esther came into my life b4.let me noe tt im jux thinkin too much for the past few daes.

st anthony percussion band rox!

upcomin performin is on 4th dec.

at toa payoh HDB hub.=]

through thick n thin,

we will stay as one.

band has change alot.ever since the seniors left.now tt we are the seniors,its time to grow up.new piece=]canon in d!!!yeah hahas.im playin vibes + triangle+claves. den muz run here n dere. oh well...suddenly missin band.

will our band be the same as before?

2006-08-20T06:48:00.000-07:00

todae i went over to find katherine.sian lahhs i read esther blog..i mean is like..muz she treat me like tt?im realli down rite now.bcuz she change me from inside out.n im realli tired of everythin tt is goin on rite now.muz she be so cold towards me?haiss..muz she hurt me so much?she sae to be normal frens.but she lie to me.me n her are neither frens or hi bye frens. we are like total strangers.im tryin hard to forget tt i even like her.i wan to cherish everyone around me.but it seems so hard .. everythin has change for me.everythin seems to be like memories.all the things i have around me right now,i jux dun cherish it.haiiss..maybe its time to end everythin..i dun wish to end my life..but the words esther sae jux keep on repeatin in my mind.she go le...she realli go le...why muz joanna get so affected by everythin she sae?if only esther reads this.if only she noes how much she hurt me.if only everythin has never happen.if only all this is just a bad nightmares.i dun mind havin nightmares. as long as all this didnt happen.i wouldnt have been in such state.i rather not tok to esther tt night abt renee and her zhihao.i rather everythin didnt happen.i rather be in love with others.

2006-08-17T07:01:00.000-07:00

+___________+youwillowaxbemylittleprincess+___________+

my love for you will owax stay.
though there's nth tt last forever.
i need u to noe it jux one last time,
if ure willing to return,
i will wait on you. i'll be waiting..

tell me the truth-did u ever love me.

2006-08-17T05:15:00.000-07:00

i so long nvr update le..hahas...haiiss...
all right so many things happen nowadaes.hais...
im veri down now...pass few daes im veri sad..why huh..
.im nt gonna tell..anywae...i noe sth..tts makes me veri veri sad.
haiiss...maybe tts the thing bahhs..anywae...
i am performin for teachers dae..haiiss yeah..
im rather happi,...im playin my favourite instruments!
oh yeah...anywae..haiiss im down...

i and jaz break frenship le.from now on onli will be me n kat.
no others anymore...onli me n her.we will stil live on without jaz.goodbye.

2006-07-04T08:32:00.000-07:00

+___________+youwillowaxbemylittleprincess+___________+

i veri long nvr update le lei.
but still oh well...finally...
guess what?i have band from todae...
all the wae until next sundae.
alright...i will tel u all my schedule ...hmmm...
welll so long nvr update le arrx...
i think is like almost one week plus...
so many things happen.
n i simply love my bdae tt dae!

thanks esther for the two hamster ;
thanks xiner for the keychain;
gera,jiawel n kelly for the percussion sticks;
pig tan for the mp4;
renee for the surprise;
kat n jaz for the BIG surprise!;
n more of it.i cant recall...
but i reali did enjoy my bdae.
at least i dun tear myself,alone...
n i dun spend it alone...
=]

its rather a stressful period right now for me.
i cant cope with studies n band as well...haiiss..
but still,no one understands it lahhs.haiiss...

040706-band from 230pm to 7pm.
050706-band from 230pm to 630pm
060706-band from 10am to 630pm.(rehearsal at tm)
070706-no band!half dae =]
080706-band from 11am to 7pm(xiner's bdae)
090706-band from 10am to 8pm.at singapore museum(women fest)
100706-no band. =]
110706-band from 230pm to 7pm
120706-band from 130pm to 730pm(rehearsal at VCH)
130706-band from 130pm to 10pm(full dress;rehearsal at VCH)
140706-band from 8am to 1130pm(actual dae n rehearsal at VCH)
150706-band from 11am to 1115pm(actual dae n rehearsal at VCH)

help me!i wil be quite stress for this few dae!!!
but still... i stil love band!
but i muz find time to spend with kat,jaz,renee n leon.
hahas...hmmm oh well...i muz!

my life;my everything =]

2006-06-25T10:40:00.000-07:00

pig arrx pig..
u damn stupid loh!hmph!
how can u sae u dun wanna bother abt me?!?!
i veri sad de loh.u r my closest pig.
i noe u care for me.but den...i am nt changin.
my fren all oso leavin me le.but onli u al dunno how i feel mah.
dui bu qi den.but den,u cannot leave me!my bdae cumin le.
i stil wan u to celebrate it with ME!!!
me n and ah bee,we go eat together okie?
after my cca loh.hahas or u al wan to bring me go reseturant eat?
hmmm i is anything de.im fine with it =]

dui bu qi..i let u down.i keep on tinkin abt myself.but not u..
i veri selfish rite?sorri lei..i noe how to cherish this frenship.
is jux tt i dun show it all out..im sorri!!!!
pig arrx pig...go perserve for ur dream okie?haiiss..
wan be a hairdresser den be okie?
dun regret in the end arrx..i tel u first okie?
dun do things tt u wil regret...haiiss...
u r not a bad influence ..not at all...i stil love u the wae u r! =]

I can see that you've been cryin You can't hide it with the light What's the use in you denying That what you had is wrong
but believe me for sure,
i'll be dere. =]

Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for

2006-06-25T10:08:00.000-07:00

I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes
A little righteous and too proud
I just want to find a way to compromise
Cos I believe that we can work things out

I thought I had all the answers never giving in
But baby since you've gone I admit that I was wrong

All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't know what I'd do ...I'm
lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you

How my ever gonna get rid of these blues
Baby I'm so lonely all the time
Everywhere I go I get so confused
You're the only thing that's on my mind

Oh my beds so cold at night and I miss you more each day
Only you can make it right no I'm not too proud to say

All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't know what I'd do ...I'm
lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you

If I could only hold you now and make the pain just go away
Can't stop the tears from running down my face
Oh

All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't know what I'd do ...I'm
lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you

2006-06-25T08:42:00.000-07:00

past few daes,ive been spendin it with my jie mei n xiong di =].
i tried not to tink about anythin tt is cumin in my wae.
i tried..i guess..i manage to forget about it.at least for now.
haiiss..wad is happenin to me rite now?

oh well..fridae i had a bad stomach ache. early in the mornin i went over to jan's hse.i dress up myself.oh well.den we went to the airport.my stomach hurts..but we manage to see her out.den we are like so happi!twenty daes of disaster,havin to wait on her to return.hahas den jan so happi.den we to her hse.she give us our present.hahas..pris went over n she dress up so nice lah.hahas.
we went down to bugis.met up with von von.my ex stead...
turn so pretty le.den go smoke.hahas..
oh well..i watch silent hill!cuz von looks like a 18 yrs old adult.so we manage to buy thru loh.den its so disgustin lah alright,

after tt renee came over to find me lah.pris oreadi go le hahas.hmm den got some quarrel went on.so von so angry she walk out of us.,,i pulled jan back to tingwen's dere.den they tok..me n renee jux tok there too..hahas..funny.den me,jan n renee went down to payalebar.where dere has many memories...haiss.i stayed over at jan's hse tt dae.next mornin.jan woke me up from my beautiful dream =x. tingwen came over..some stuff happen once more.but we went over to parkway.den smoke dere..pris came over etc...haas..den we had a veri enjoyable dae dere.
my god son was born on 24june =]

hahas..den we went to jan hse to take sth stuff of mine.n we went to tingwen's hse later on.pris n i stayed over...den we had alot of fun time together...after all todae is a great dae =]

tml school startin le.perhaps we wil drift apart?wil we starts becomin like normal frens?jux lyk how it was when its e startin of another brand new ye.tis time,will my frens stay,or wil dey leave me instead?

how has my life been nowadaes?
its been a total mess...
i cant believe.but i teared on 23june for her.
haiiss its been long since we said goodbye.
why are those memories huntin me again rite now?
i dunn wad is in my mind rite now.haiiss..
i need to cry.but no one truely noes how i feel.haiiss.
haiiss i reali had enough.maybe its time to brk down once more.
but no one understand how i feel haiiss..
i feel so damn sad..i have to be strong.
stronger den others.no one noes...

my tears,no one get to see it.
i had enough.im terrified =x

2006-06-21T08:58:00.000-07:00

hello.
todae i had band.band band band!!!
oh gosh...yesterdae i met her at my hse downstairs.
until 3plus arrx..so guilty tt i make her get scoldin when she go hm.
but she is so sweet lai.hahas....

oh well.todae i got band arrx...the rehearsal so fun lahh!
hahas...i love modem dance...den after school go with katherine to smoke..

i dunno wad is on ur mind...
i hope i get rid of u long ago.

2006-06-19T11:16:00.000-07:00

am i so bad tt renee sis muz sae me?
i noe my maple sucks like hell..
but she muz insult until like tt mehh?
stupid la...who lao ehhx...den make me so sad.
but i tink janelle n jamayne n renee all veri nice.
dey help me thru.the guy in maple sae im noob..haiiss..
i feel so discouraged. veri veri discouraged..haiiss...
i dunno wad has got into me.this two daes...
i will onli noe how to feel upset.n nth else le.haiiss...

i slept at 8am in the mornin...thanks to janelle n renee...
make me play maple with dem...until i wan die lah..
haiiss i woke up at 8.i onli sleep 2 hrs..supposedly tml is 9 to 5 pm.
but luckily dey change it to 2 to 5....
todae reach sch at 9 sharp.no teacher all the wae.
make us go for nth..den play n go library sleep etc...
hmmm den whole dae slake there lah..
is like so damn fun loh..hahas...
den after band go to mit jan,lavi,char n renee...
den tok n tok n tok n tok...
den jan go tuition ,char go eat den lavi went hm.
left me n renee onli...den is like so funny.hahas...
haiiss den char n jan come down again..
den we tok abt sex...oral sex or ff etc..
for like ermx...3 to 4 hours?veri funny lahhh...
den i went home with renee...

tml is gonna be a brand new dae.
think jurami is cumin for band lahhs...
wish us all the best =]

2006-06-17T11:06:00.000-07:00

my daddy came home todae. nag at me about computer stuff again. haiiss ..everytime oso like tt. so sickenin lah dey all. hmmm alrights...well.. i was so tired yesterdae..i woke up quite late todae. about 1230 i guess. todae dey won their match. yeah!so happi for them lah.3times in a row=] good good.hahas..nvr fail as a basketballer. but esther ye oso not bad mahhs.though nv win. but stil , she help the team score quite alot. she veri cute lei.hahas i cant stand it anymore.

well todae got so many funny thing happen.
i went century to meet jan n char.
had a fun dae..cant help it but to keep on laughin.
oh well...den renee come n find us..
den we did sth bad,hahas..if i mention it,im dead.
oh well..den yutin came...todae we five reali had a fun together.
oh well..den jan n char go watch movie.
left me n renee n ting..so we go arcade n take neo.
den so jan n char movie end.
come n find us loh.hahas oh well..veri fun!
den i went to heartbeat concert..haas..
i simply love band alot!oh yeah.

i saw her* todae..hahas so cute lah... ermx...den hor..she chat with me and etc. but our distance is like so far from each other.. abit too sad rite.haha..she veri pretty todae lei. hmmmd en hor..ya heartbeat concert got one girl.. so pretty .but siok n ting sae she not pretty.. i like can le rite.haha i seat bus homw with ting.. den happen to see calesta n oso tt gal lahh.. haha so fated rite!lols!

den esther text me.hahas she is like so nice n sweet. i dunno wad to sae lei.how huh?alamak... im dead...hahas...oh well...ya tts all bahhs.

bands my everythin!=]

2006-06-16T09:49:00.000-07:00

guess wad?
yesterdae i was on the fone with renee..
den gabriel called me.
i was rather shock u see.
oh well..jaz ask me to meet her n gab at n2.
cuz jaz sneak out n end up have no key to go home.
so i pei her yesterdae.
suppose to go on at ard 6am.
but den me n her chat..as in reali chat.
den ard 7..
i lend her money cab home.
now i understand why is frenship important!
i love u gals to bits n pieces!thanks alot.

where did i go todae?
oh well..i went home.
i slept for onli 2hours.
den i went for band..
it was tiring but veri fun bahhs..
den *she gt match..
dey won!hahas good.
she is like so happi lah
i oso happi for her loh.

den after band went to meet my dearest sisters.
hahas i simply love dem.
i saw katherine walkin pass e road..den i shouted her name.
so we go together..den jaz cum down with us.
we bought cigarette.den kat go hm.
jaz n i go see hamster..
den shop n tok alot.

went home den i sleep for awhile bahhs..
den ard 540 i wake up.
prepare n bring ernest to see match.
reach dere jux in time
but still muz run abit.so ya..smoke dere.
i saw *her oso dere.hahas..
hmm ermx..esther did score well..
well done for her!*appaulse for her*

ermx ya.nth much le bahhs..
tml i have to go out with jan n char=]
n have band.

take care!

2006-06-14T08:47:00.000-07:00

i had enough!
just get out of my life!
i had the hatred in me rite now.
so dun u dare cum n disturb me.
i wil kill u!

i hate all this!
hatred are in me rite now!
u are the one who cause all this!

2006-06-14T06:59:00.000-07:00

i hate myself.
i hate myself for all this.
haiiss why does tis happen?
i am reali keepin all my tears in me.
im reali hatin myself.
its all bcuz of my fault.
im not gonna forgive myself for all tis ting.

i nv do anything to make xiner hate me so much!
i nvr!
i dun mean a thing
i hate tis.
im gonna kill myself sooner or later.
it hurts me alot!

2006-06-13T07:20:00.000-07:00

todae was a bad dae for me.
oh well im too tired.
yesterdae was worse.
its like a nightmares.
im wrong with everything.
i shld sae tt it was all my fault.
my fault to sae everything out.
im in the fault.
dun u noe how much i simply hates myself now?
its pointless saein all this now.
cuz its been reality.
n above all this.
it is all my fault.
stupid me rite?

i went to mit kat jux now in the afternoon.
i told her wad happen yesterdae.
n i was realli feelin down.
but dey al told me not to blame myself.
i told them tt i wont.
but do they noe?
i cant bring myself to stop the blames.
haiiss i feel tt im the cause of everything.

why muz u lie to me?
i suddenly feel the wae it aches when u lied.
i trusted you.
but u sae ure afraid i wil be jealous.
n in the end u lied.
wad kind of logic is tis?

2006-06-12T12:21:00.000-07:00

i have so much to sae.
i wanna tel everyone tt im upset!
im down!
im depressed!
i hate myself!
i reali hate myself!
why do joanna come into this world?
she onli bring trouble to tingwen,jan,pris n even xiner!
if not..nth like tis wil happen anymore!
why would i be existin in this world?
why muz i appear?
can i jux kill myself rite now?
im hurtin badly.im badly injure inside me.
it seems like.my heart aches.
whats dere to sae sorri
when everythin is oreadi done?
wad for?
to ease the hurts?
to make me forget everythin?
u noe wad?
u cant.
u hurt me.
n its enough.

xiner,i noe u do care.
i noe u care alot.
thanks.
many things are so hard to tel u.
but i noe u care for me.
i stil need u in my life.
thanks for everythin=]

2006-06-12T05:02:00.000-07:00

todae i went out.
im suppose to mit pig at 1030am .
but still,i overslept until around 11am?
she was like kinda piss at first or sth i tink.
oh well,pig im sorry.hahs.
i cant force myself to wake up but stil,
pig wans me to go n take cigarette from her.
so ya..i went out of my hse.den she was dere.
i couldnt even open my eye big big lah.hahas
alright den i was abt to go back to sleep.
janelle ask me to go over her house NOW!
cuz got sth to discuss with me.den i reach dere ard 12.
but she sae shes not goin to tel me le.lol!
cuz ..ya...hahas. oh well..xiner was dere when i reach.
me n her didnt actually talk alot.oh i cant be bothered.
i read the leta she gave me.i was curious.
veri curious of sumthings..wad shld i do lehx?
oh no..den after tt,xiner threw away 5sticks of my cigarettes.
at least she care lah.so ermx..nvmx lohh.jux throw it away.
den we ate western food loh. ya lo.
den after tt me n xiner went home.
janelle kip saein i like xiner or xiner stil like me etc lah.
no loh.i dun lah.ermx..i guess..yupp.
i took bus home with her.
she nvr even talk to me.
infact she make me have to chase her all the wae lah.
den i was like..in the bus she cant even be bothered to tok to me.
den when she go..she jux turn sidewaes n smile to me..
as if i dun exist lah.tsk.den she jux walk away n get down the bus like tt.
my mood has been spoilt todae but tt..
i dunno why at tt time my heart suddenly jux aches.
as if its hurtin me alot.
but i was feel quite alright.
den i come online.
i readahem's blog...den i was like..wha lao..
i treat her so good she dun even care.
wad for muz i give a fuckin shit for her la.
correct?haiiss im jux feelin veri upset now.
veri upset.why muz u sae tt u cant be bothered with ur stead.
somemore in front of me lah.tsk.im veri upset lo.
stop leadin me on okie!

hey my jie mei out dere!
lu ting wen!i miss u!
hahas..faster cum back.
if not me n janelle wil be bored.
our deal is stil on!
so hurry up!!hahas.

2006-06-11T09:50:00.000-07:00

im feelin rather guilty now.
i read pris's blog.
i felt like..breakin down..
i didnt noe how much she is goin thru.
i didnt noe tt her self esteem is so low.
i didnt noe she despise herself so much.
i didnt noe she is goin thru so much pain.
im sorri pris.
i am nt dere for u when ure down.
i did promise to be by ur side.
but im sorri.
im one of the worrys in ur mind.
i let u down.
i failed to be by ur fren.
but i do trust in u.
tt u wil change.
no more screamin okie?
n rmb our promise?
nt to cry for dem anymore?
if u or i wanna cry,
lets cry together!
im sorri pris...

todae..i woke up at ard 1230.
i went to mit sand at orchard.
at around 245..
sorri snady kiwi,
im veri late arrx.hahas..
in the mrt,i saw one couple.
with two child.n e man's mum.
den e man seems so lovin..
as in his a good father.
den he look so nerd in carryin the bag.
for the children.
the toddlers are ard 3 to 4 yrs old.
both of them.oh well.the father's sandals
look too small for him..his leg oversize it.
but den..they may look poor..
but its obvious tt the do lead a happi life.
though they are poor,as long as there are happiness,
who would mind?familys usually are the one hu stay by
each other side.ive learnt the mistake.
tt we shld cherish our family.
dey are important ppl in our lifes.
hopefully xiner noes tt though her family despise her,
but still,deep down dey dun mean anything.
dey do care for her.afterall,her family loves her.
yupp.i wish i can tell tis to myself too.
nvmx den.i dun have a daddy,still got mummy rite?
father's dae is approachin..but i dunno wad to get for him.
hmmm ermx..oh well..i tink i wil jux ..cry if i see him lo.
wad a sad ting rite?but,joanna muz be strong.
daddy wont be able to see the upset side of me.no one wuld=].

i mit sand den i go shoppin with her.
we first find it so borin lahhs.
but den after tt,we do enjoy.hahas.
we tok abt alot of stuffs lah.
is like we go out together,
usually tok.but den tis time we tok abt DIFFERENT PPL=]
hahas i do enjoy alot.i like those ppl lah.
reali like dem alot lo.haiiss..
i reali like those ppl who looks like animation.
i bring sand to follow me to see dem.
wherever dey go.
i n her can jux seat in long john(with memories)
jux to see dem lah..hahas..dey look so punk la!=]
but their dressin cost around 500plus total bahs i guess.
dey are like so damn cool.
den sand rite.she so stupid lah.
ahahs.she almost drop my ice cream.but i mange to hold onto it lo.
end up my whole hand was filled with triple chocolates.
hahas thanks arrx sandy kiwi=]

hahas..ermx den we went down to redhill..
i was like so lost..sarah sae wad got spotlight..
hahas i dun even see any spotlight lah.
got lah but is like stadium.den inside is soccer.
hahas den we realise tt we are lost.
but i walk n walk den i saw renee.
hahas den i am like so happi loah.
cuzshe will give me direction to the t-net etc loh.
hmmm ermx den after tt we went dere.
i went up a block to smoke den i saw esther score for our sch team..
den i was like so happi.keep on jumin here n dere lahhahas..
ermx den after tt...i was tokin to janelle,
esther fell down infront of me lo!
i hate the no14 lah!
stupid!make her fall..i scream la!
den sand was like so shock.hahas..
den i was rather..worried for her.
sandy kiwi step on dog shit.hahas so funny lah!
den esther dey all lose.hmmm alright.

den after tt..shld i sae tt im angry or worried?
im veri angry with esther...tt she dunno how to take care of herself.
angry tt she noes her leg is injuried yet stil wan to go on court.
angry tt she dunno how to stop playin when her leg hurts la.
but overall i realise tt im more worried.
worried tt her leg is causin much pain in her.
but ermx..im worried as a fren bahs i guess.
den after tt im so worried tt ..sand shld noe.
i keep on irritatin her lah..hmmm..when i noe sand is sad too.
oh well..den renee run to the mrt station jux to take train with me n sand.
den after tt,hmmm ermx..esther reply me lah.so i stop at bedok.
den took train back to lavender.
at there..a train cum..esther called me to run in.
so me n sand juz run in loh.we look back den we realise
tt my silly renee rite..she stil sit dere.
wen she realise we run in,the train oreadi close door le.
so me n sand was feelin veri guilty lah.
den we call her sae mit at aljunied.
esther n her frens so funny..kip lookin at e left side.
when me n sand was standin at the right side.
den sand saw her *ahem.haha she so hapi lo.
frn esther noe i wan pass her sth..
so i jux pass her 0dollars20cents.tts all i have.
except for my 5cents.hope is enough for her cab fare.
i see the wae she is in pain..my heart jux brk..how i wish i can
carry her home instead.oh well..i care as a frens tt why lo.
expected her to msg me but in the end nvr loh.
so yupp tts all for todae.
hopefully..tml wil be a beta dae for me bahs.
im goin to jan's hse.

nowadaes i realise..im reali happily with u by my side.
thanks for cheerin me up when im sad.
i have been leadin a happily life nowadaes.
i simply need u in my life.
i love u lots .
1259am
12june06.

hurts gonna end now.
u shld be happi tt im over u.
its over so,goodbye.
245am.

2006-06-10T10:13:00.000-07:00

i will cry on ur shoulder.
if tt is wad i have to do.
i will turn to u,
when i am confused.
i will walk with u,
hand in hand.

all i need is u.
would u tell me tt u love me too?

i have to let YOU GO!
i cant hang on anymore=[

sae u love me.
n mean it.
from the bottom of ur heart.
im dyin without u byr my side.
ure nt over her.
ure over me instead.
why?
i wan the answer.

2006-06-10T03:43:00.000-07:00

todae i had a enjoyable dae. my silly laogong make me so happi todae. haiiss so sweet arrx she.. she bought me a big big big big present. its so big. the wrappin is so..big?hahas.den i haf to carry it. but den is lyk so heavy loh.hahas...den i mit her n kat at ard 120??haha..ya at tt time. den she bought me two big sort toy! ard 70plus lahhs.so ex loh.haiiss..is two chip n dale e soft toy. she veri swit..i did enjoy myself todae.sort of lahhs.thanks alot laogong!

esther text me todae.sumhow,like no mood like tt loh. so maybe its the truth.i am totally finally over her rite now. well,ppl shld be glad for me. if i reali over her den maybe i wont care so much anymore bahs. she dun need me wad..im happier now.

thanks alot to my dearest lightbulb. she is like so sweet!

ILOVEU!

2006-06-09T09:17:00.000-07:00

so many things are happenin in my life...hmmx..
ermx...i hope tt i wil be ok stil.i noe i can be stronger as others tink i am.
everything is gonna be perfectly fine for me.

happi bdae to u,mummy!
thanks for owax being dere by my side.
its been 14yrs of hardship for u.
havin to support the family.
without daddy by ur side.
im sorri i hurt u so badly everydae.
i said mean things to u.
to make u cry..
yet i owax take money from u.
den nv did i help the housechores.
onli noe how to go out n slack at home.
its ur unfortunate luck to haf such daughter.
but u didnt failed as a mother.
i noe u did try ur best to give us wad we wan.
sumtimes im jux bein to naive to sae tt u r good.
i owax sae tt u dun care for me n ure biased.
but deep down.i noe u are not biased.
ure my best mummy.
pls stay strong.haiiss..
i have no courage to tel u tt u mean alot to me.
but stil..
i wanna thank you.
happi bdae!

ure our best mother!

2006-05-31T07:31:00.000-07:00

false alarm!haiiss!!
im sorry esther.if ur heart ever sink,dui bu qi!
i dun wan u to ever feel sad for me.
i will feel hurt.haiiss.dun ever feel sad for me.
i miss esther.i miss her plenty.
it seems like...everything is changin.haiiss..

what exactly happen to me todae?
oh i saw priscilla todae.ting wen oso.
i meet janelle n we go fetch dem.
den on the wae to tampines mart,
i receive a weird call..
so i ans .its xiner..
but all she wan is janelle or priscilla..
nvmx..

esther ye,u gotta be strong.i noe u can.
i wan esther to be back once again.
i care alot for u.
xiner dun need me anymore.
i noe she dun.so dun ask me to go to her.
we are over so long ago.haiiss.
all i care abt now..haiiss.
ermx..pls take care of urself..

esther ye,i miss you!

2006-05-30T07:08:00.000-07:00

cuz all i wan is u!

dun sae you love me anymore.

im afraid i wil fall for u more..

2006-05-30T04:23:00.000-07:00

yesterdae was a disaster dae for me.
oh well, thanks to esther ye for makin me sad.
around 11pm i went over to janelle house..
we smoke downstairs den jan sae she miss tingwen.
sae wanna sneak in school..so a cab came ,
we pulled charlotte into the cab..
den we just take to school..
charlotte waited outside.
me n janelle climb the gate up the primary sch..
den its oreadi 12midnight..jan sae she saw
a nun..im liike so scare.but for her tingwen sake,
we went in..we run..n get scared by adele n sandra..
we have no more escape to go.
cuz they lock up all the staircase..
den we have no choice bbut to jump down the building..
we were like at the cca foyer..den have to jump down to
basketball court.i was so scare..
i called esther..but i dunno wad is on my mind.
when i seat up dere,it was den tt i realise..
i come bcuz of sum1 sake.just to see her.
i saw her but veron catch me n den i have to run away.
i didnt manage to hug her etc..so yupp..
i sat there..to jump..is bcuz of *her sake.
i muz let go..thats why i just seat up dere..
n suddenly i just jump down.
gosh,im cryin out in pain now..
help me!haiiss..i tink my mummy bringin me go doc..
haiiss tmlx..pls bless me alright,..
esther cant even be bothered with me!
help!im in pain now.haiiss..
im smokin..i feel so sad..haiiss...

as i junp,im just thinkin

of saein goodbye to u.

2006-05-29T05:35:00.000-07:00

now,i felt like crying..
my heart seems so heavy.
it seems like,no one is by my side.
it seems that my world is so empty now..
can i cry?no..i cant i guess.
my heart is realli veri veri pain.
its like aching..i dunno why.
gosh,anyone can help me?
my life is so empty ever seems u step in.
3mths 10 daes more.
i have to let u go...

wo men de xiao shi hou!!

i miss the past.haiis

2006-05-29T03:18:00.000-07:00

im trying to give up,but it breaks my heart!
i have to stab my own heart.in order for me to let you go.gosh,its tearing me apart rite now.haiisss...i mis u!

yesterdae i went to meet janelle n tingwen.
i ton at tingwen's house.den we r like so
click lohhs.hahas.ermx..we talk alot..
me n janelle so broke until we have no more cigarettes to smoke.
we keep savin cigarettes lahhs.
well,den tingwen n i keep talkin abt ghost story...
oh no its like so scary..
den we talk about xiner n pris..hahas..
got so many doubts n confusion abt dem lohh.
hahhass...haiiss den ive been askin tingwen what is goin on
in taiwan now.wonderin what is she doin dere.haiiss..
i onli have four more daes.im counting down..
i have band tmlx..i cant wait for tml.
sigh..todae seems to be like a long n awaiting dae for me.
i find that ..todae will be a long dae for me to go thru.
why like this lehhx?haiiss i dunno too..

to pig:pig,u sae i change.

u are the one who change more den i do.

haiiss i am alright.i dun need anyone,

but den u lehhx?i noe what u tinkin loh.

u tink im onli using u lahhs.haiiss its like so hurtin.

i nvr at all lohh..

haiiss wadever lahhs..i feel so sad..

haiiss..

counting down to:30daes to my birthdae.

would any one tell me now?

my heart is tearing up.

my world has fallen apart.,

my life is meaningless.

i felt like crying..

world seems so dark for me now.

life seems so empty too.gosh,

im tearing apart.

i felt like cuttin myself.

i muz let u go by thursdae.

i guess,im gonna hurt myself.

im order to let u go...

i dun need u to return back anymore.

712pm

2006-05-28T00:36:00.000-07:00

yesterdae in the mornin i woke up,went to meet janelle n priscilla.
we smoke n eat breakfast..than janelle cry.i almost cry too lahhs.
haiiss..den i went home...after tat i went to meet germaine.
cuz i wan to send xiner off.yupp..but went on the wae dere,
xiner text me sae she is goin off le.wha..i rush like fuck lahhs.
haiiss.den,i reach airport at 1329pm..i onlie have 1min.
i rush to the departure hall,i did not see anyone.
im so disappointed.but den i nvr show it out
in front of germaine.i keep on turnin back.but i nvr see anyone.so we
head towards to terminal one.xiner called me.den she sae she at terminal two.
so we waited for sky train to terminal two.den wen we get of the sky train,
she called and sae she is in terminal one.so we took the same train back to terminal one.

oh well.this is when my sadness started.现在的你不在想我..

i get off the skytrain n xiner appear dere.so she ask me wat i wanna sae..
den i oso got nothing to sae.den she sae goodbye to me.haiis..
den she walk away,germaine sort of sae me lahhs..
she sae ask me dun do things tt i will regret.den i sort of..
chase after her but..den hor..she like keep wantin to go..
so yupp..ermx..i saw her parents.den me n germ was like...
ermx..haas...den we just walk away..
den i sae her again at burger king..den germ reali wan kill me
le lohhx..keep askin me to go n give her the lollipop.
so i went up to her.den i just pass her the lollipop.and den turn away..
my tears is oreadi in my eyes.den we went to see the departure ting.
den we head towards the toilet.suay suay i saw xiner again lahhs.
ermx..den she was quenin up to go in.know what?i cant do anythin.
i cant even bid her goodbye for one last time.i hide behind the wall.
i kept on cryin.germ was like askin me not to cry.
n she sae so many people are starin at me..she sae summore i cry so loud.
got mehhx?haiiss.

den after tat..we take sky train back to terminal two.
i was like stil cryin like fuck lohhs.haiiss..den i was messagin...
germ was like sayin tt looks like esther ye..i keep starin at tt gal..
she look so familar but i dunno who.den her stead so tall keep starin at me.
i realise it was esther..me n germ run like hell lahs.
wherever we go,we tends to bump into esther.so yupp.
haiiss..den wen we we into the mrt dere,while waitin for mrt,
xiner n esther msg me at the same time lahhs.haiiss.
i mean is like.i feel so sad.haiis..

ermx den i wen to meet pris den wen down to bugis.
we played the arcade game.i miss xiner like hell.
den tingwen n janelle cum down to meet us.
den after tt we shop like mad.wherever i go owax have memories.
haiiss.i feel so sad suddenly.den tingwen n jan bought me a wallet.
which cost 13 bucks so sweet of them lahhs.
so touch...we went down to tingwens house after tt..
janelle ask me to go for priscilla.hahas
i have sum things on my mind..but im not tellin anyone.
wel,hahas..den i did a veri bad thing with janelle!
something veri veri veri bad!oh no.im guilty conscience.
but den,..yupp..den janelle went missing.worse stil.
is like so late le..veri worried for her lahhs..
den we thot is dunno who seatin at the playground.
i hold on to pris lahhs..den we three run away from tt gal.
but actually is janelle lo!oh no..den after pris's dad send me home.

im goin to prove to u.

that im oreadi over you.

i wont be the gal,

who use to love u.,

who use to be so obsess over u.

i wont be lovin u anymore.

i wont be dere for u anymore.

im lettin u go.

i have to bid goodbye.

its veri veri hard.

but i wil try..

if the onli wae to let u go,

is to stab my heart,

i wil do it.

i will try umpteen waes to give up.

it breaks my heart.

when u turn n walk away frm me.

all i can do is to cry.

i cant ask u to stay.

cuz u dun belong to me.

u dun belong to me anymore.

i can onli sae goodbye to u.

when u return,

u will see that..

i had enough.

i might change.

but i guess,its the onli wae to

let you go.

im sorry.

i just dun love u anymore.

esther ye,im letting you go!

i just dun love u anymore.

im not the rite one.

im not perfect.

i cause misery in ur life.

sorry..

but im goin now.

636pm.

2006-05-26T20:59:00.000-07:00

janelle cried just now.
im sorry.hahas.
dun mean to sae those things.
that upset you.
i dunno what has got into me.
i am feelin...alot of jealously
in me.help me.its causin alot
of hurts in me.i dun wish to noe anythin.
haiiss..it breaks my heart.
im feelin veri veri sad.haiiss

2006-05-26T03:31:00.000-07:00

i did veri veri badly for my report book.
i cried lahhss.
esther sae i deserve it.
i tink she is rite.
what could i get out of it?
i reali have alot of tears more to cry.
haiiss..im veri sad.
i reali flunk my paper.
so what if i did my exam veri good?
in the end i stil failer overall.
im veri sad.
mummy ask me not to cry..
but,its reali a big disappointment.
i tink whatever esther sae is rite.
i guess im just too...stupid..
i cant study..
*tears roll down*.
haiiss..would anyone mind comfortin me?
pass few daes hasnt been a good dae for me.
i cry myself to sleep everynite.
what is goin wrong in my life?

i cant afford to fail!

2006-05-25T10:22:00.000-07:00

SHOUT OUT:

my birthdae approachin in 1 month 2 daes time!

my wishlist:

-*her to celebrate with me.

-*her to give me a surprise

-*her to give me a hug.

-*her to go beach with me

-*her to make me happi ..

hope:

-to be happi.

-to go beach.

-to have surprise.

-to have ang bao.

-my daddy can spent it with me.

-my sister wont nag me anymore.

-i will give up.

-i dun wan to shift house!

-i dun wan u to go!

waiting:

-for yew to return back to me.

-for yew to noe how i feel.

-for yew to understand me.

-for yew to owax be by my side.

-for yew to never leave me.

-for yew to owax cheer me up when im down.

missing:

-the past memories we have.

-the past funs we had together.

-the old you.

-the love we once shared.

-080805

-210206

as the daes pass by,

my heartbeat faster every single dae.

i dare not accept the fact

that my birthdae is approaching.

i dare not wan to ever tink of that dae.

i noe this yr bdae would be,

another same birthdae.

where my parents dun celebrate with me.

n none of my frens remember it exactly,

what will happen this yr?

during my birthdae?

im afraid! =x

2006-05-25T09:43:00.000-07:00

todae i came home after school.
den i went back school for sac idol.
i went in to 2/3 classroom n smoke.
sac idol start le.at least xiner didnt
break promise.she did go with me.
i text esther,saein tt i miss her.
how i wish she is by my side by den.
i hope i can join the sac idol.
but jazmin disacouraged me so yupp.
haiiss,anywae,SARAH FOO is a hot babe.
she simply rox.see le i wan to have nose bleed le.
esther also not so hot.hahas...
die lahhs think is mix too much with prin n xiner
dey all le.dey are veri horny people.
but true enough,she is reali so hot!
i am like fainting lahhs..
haiiss,got the singapore band cum our sch.
e guy so hot!i wan faint arrx.
pris sittin next to me..i keep wantin to faint.
hahas cuz hot gals n guys arrx!
den,xiner and sherilyn play like so fun.
happi for dem=]..
after break time,me n pris n tingwen n kat wanted to
explore the whole school.but tingwen is veri sick.
high fever..gosh.den we go back hall lohhs.
haiis saw xiner n sherilyn cum in together.
i tink im abit jealous bahhs.i oso dunno lehhx.
den suddenly she n her end up seatin together.
i veri sad..i reali am..so i just get up n went out of hall,
myself..saw kat n xiner chasing after me.
why chase for what?
gosh den xiner go back first den kat oso.
i squat at one corner..i cry..
minutes later sherilyn n xiner cum out.
alamak!so i stood up n walk away..
den i go back hall.i TINK i saw xiner holdin
sherilyn's hand.not those holdin.
just normal type de lohhs.
yupp.. i veri sad.
i felt lyk havin esther by my side at tt time
to comfort me lohhs.
haiiss..den,pris make me laugh so much lahhs.
she veri nice yupps.
how i wish i can just run towards u
n give u one last hug.
after sac idol..
me,jan,germ,pri,n char,we went n2.
we smoke n chat together dere.
den in the end..janelle tear one tear.
yupp im sorry to make u cry..
but is e fact oso mahhs.ermx..
hmmm den we go tamp mart the mac n eat.
we talk about last time lahh...so funny lohhx.
haiiss i miss the past time can..
den yupp..germ cab me home.
thanks mummy,so sweet of u.

i have so much tears in me,

that i have not yet cry out.

i have not yet show it all.

im too sensitive.

how i wish i can just tel u,

i stil love u.

i stil wanna run towards u n hug u.

i stil wanna tel u how much i mish u=[

my tears cant let u noe

how much i misses u.

cuz the one u wan it not me.

1.12am

2006-05-25T00:49:00.000-07:00

todae is a veri hectic dae.haiiss,
i cry in class..tears just roll down.
my stomach hurts alot todae.
so painful.
its e last dae of school todae.
haiiss after school,i saw esther..
she came to me n hug me.
n ask me to miss her.
i felt like cryin lohhs.
hais..i hold tianqin's hand all the wae to the next busstop.
den,esther ye walk away.
i cry like fuck!
i veri sad lohhs.haiiss
ermx..so many people saw me cry.
i cant control.
sighc=x..

i wont show u my sadness!

2006-05-24T06:12:00.000-07:00

todae is a bad dae for me.
thanks alot esther,for givin me tt cute wu gui.
i will love n cherish the xiao wu gui wholeheartedly.

band is exciting todae..

i enjoy it..yupps..

for thw whole of june holidaes,

im pack with band practices!help!

guess what?me n wendy break frenship todae..

im sad..veri veri sad!i wan to cry..yupps..im cryin..

but,dere's no one who comfort me..

no one to lend me their shoulders.

no one to lend me their listenin ears.

i have no more kuku.no more le.

it ended todae.

i didnt noe her frenship would mean so much to me.

im afraid to go sch tml.afraid to cry..

i hate this feelin.

of havin to lose sumone who is close to me.

will anyone understands my sadness?

will anyone noes how i feel?

can anyone help me?

im cryin n cryin nonstop.

no one seems to care,hais!

*_____,why isit tt when i need u most,

u are not by my side?

another reason,i cry for u.

haiiss...u dun seems to care..

no one bothers about me.

i triedkeepin everythin to myself.

i did..till todae,

its when i start to break down once more.

i had enough!

thinkin of what would happen in 5months time,

to let go?or hold on?

i did a powerpoint yesterdae for*____,

i cried..

the whole night.

why am i being so weak?

i promise so many ppl.

i muz be strong..

i just realise i smoke 17 sticks at one go,

that night.haiiss..i broke ur promises.

all ur promises.haiiss...

DUN SAE U CARE,

IF U CANT EVEN BE BOTHERED WITH ME!

memories of u n me;

gone forever=[

2006-05-23T09:48:00.000-07:00

i miss the past=]

i knew it was love
the moment i saw u.
my hearet pounded so fast.
i just couldnt breathe.
i wanted to go n hug u.
to tel u how much i misses u.
but when i turn around.
i saw sumone else by ur side.
tt was when i noe,
u n i were nvr meant to be together,
anymore=[

i saw esther todae in tm.

suay lahhs .

cux she is with her stead mahhs.

i dunno if i shld trust my feelings.

oh well,

shld i?i dunno too.

now is late at nite.

im still surfin net,.hahas

bored.

its gonna be the past.

i have to put it down.

1259am

2006-05-19T21:25:00.000-07:00

i guess,
im endin it all rite now.
i cant stand those pain.
u said to love me wholeheartedly.
but u lied to me.
ure over.
im...over too.
i felt lyk endin my life.
i didnt noe that love culd actuall hurt so much.
i didnt noe that im breakin into pieces.
there is no such things as forever love.
yet onli everlastin hurts.
dun go,
i wil go instead.
i wil leave ur wurl.
i will leave u.
n everyone.
let me go instead.
ive been a burdens in many ppls life.
im sorry.
im not a perfect gal.
thats why im choosin to live.
dun ever cry.
cuz i wan the best for u.

i had enough.

i wont die.but i wil let myself suffer.

i wil kill my heart.

instead of myself.

i wil leave everyone.

joanna wont be the same anymore

all is endin_

2006-05-19T11:44:00.000-07:00

now is 244am,im veri bored.
i smoke quite alot todae.im sad.what to do?
haiiss i smoke the strawberry flavour de,quite nice ba.hahas..yupp.
im just bein abit too sad todae.
esther cried.she apologize.she sae she misses me.
haiiss...i mss the past.
but i feel rather bad cuz i dun seems to care for her.
haiiss i also dunno what happen lehhx.
sian.she should have told me her sadness laahhrs!
worried.im veri fuckin worried sia.but what to do?sian,
well,she keep on keepin things to herself.
i should have not enter her life.
so i wouldnt feel that sad lahhs.
hopefully this wont hurt any of us for a long time.
i prayed.
im realli feelin down lahhs..
haiis..im sorri to cause sadness into ur life.
i dun wan u to go,
i dun wan u to leave.
i will cry.
i wil feel veri sad.
haiiss.,

2006-05-19T07:56:00.000-07:00

im sori.dun mean to make anyone upset.plss dun ever cry for me.
no one can cry for me.cuz its not worth it.its pointless.
im just not perfect.wo bu xiang zai hurt of u.dun hide any problems from us.
im worried.veri worried.
i miss the past.

2006-05-19T02:14:00.000-07:00

i score well for my english!! =) i'm top 5 in class.. i pass my accounts too! very happy! even chi oso! yeah.. i'm grateful for somethin.. well.. though i fail math n ss.. i nv expect myself to onli fail by 2, 3 mark.. i nv did attend any lesson of it.. yup.. i cired today.. sorry esther.. i broke ur promise.. kat noe how upset i was.. yup... so many thin abt her! i am to speechless to say.. yup.. after sch.. i miss seein the foto shots of bball!! wasted! but i saw co de.. xiner so cute la.. cant stand it.. haha.. well after tat went tm wif kat.. suddenly i juz fall ill.. i fall to the floor.. shiverin non shop its too painful.. more than a heart ache or stomach pain.. i cant stand up.. my leg's juz too weak.. it took mi sometime to stand up n walk to the toilet.. gosh.. i couldn breath la.. kat saw le so afraid.. den saw xiaoj.. i went home.. receive a call from xiner she ____(shall not make her lose face), my heart sank at tat moment when i tot, its my fault.. very sorry gal.. i am not dyin.. nth to do with ouja board.. cheer up.. i dun mean to make u ____ alrite?? *huggs*... its juz tat my health is gettin weaker.. i need to see doc.. i'm sick for one week le.. hai.. i've been vomitin everyday.. i dunno y.. i juz felt like vomintin.. hai.. its a daily routine le.. yup.. anyway.. smile my gal... huggs*

2006-05-18T15:38:00.000-07:00

just a short entry for now.
well,just now i cried because of *___..
haiiss...wo zhen de hao xiang ta.
i pass my paper!!
actuali,kinda surprise that i can try to do this well.
i need onli 2 marks to pass hahas.
guess what,
i dun even study lahh...so,is quite well.
im top5in class!for english,
thanks to the sweet lollipop=]

2006-05-18T03:27:00.000-07:00

yesterday night chatted with esther until 1plus.. wha.. i'm so tired.. she is so sweet on the phone.. went to sch pass esther 3packet of hello panda, coz she say she's hungry.. i promise to give her.. played throughout today.. hai.. i pon math lesson.. sat at the canteen there... *ahem pass by, she keep starin den walk away.. wo de xin shui le la... i really very sad.. i sat there, i suddenly say i miss ____..... yup... den in class, i keep sayin i miss ____... esther's recess, i sat with her.. she was like, 'ehhx, ___ is there' i was like.. ya.. very cute... haha... i keep sayin i miss ___... how i wish i can tel her tat... hai... oh ya.. tat yong yong lesson, kat ask mi pei her go down pass letter.. i saw ___ la.. hai... den she look at mi, i turn away.. i rather turn first.. b4 seein her turn away.. i really very sad la.. oh ya! i'm the onli one in class who needs to do tat survey.. heard tat *ahem oso doin... suay.. gosh... i got band, SHOUT OUT.. I LOVE BAND!! I'M GONNA PUT MY HEART ALL IN BAND!! yup.. den come home.. i cired for esther.. i read her tat msg.. hai.. sad.. wrote her letter.. i promise her i cant cry for ___ or anyone else.. except esther herself.. i think of ___, i rub my eye... how to tel ___, i wan to be her fren? i wan to let ___ noe.. tat i really miss her! i really do.. hai.. shawn like jaz.. sad.. sweetie's sad.. kuku oso.. think pig oso.. nvm.. watever i noe shall be kept in my heart....

2006-05-16T23:36:00.000-07:00

i was upset yesterday nite.. supposedly, i slept at 10plus.. but i woke up around 3plus.. i saw two msg from her.. tellin mi tat she's attached.. i close my eyes my tears juz flow down.. there's nth i can do.. i cired to slp.. i woke up, read her msg and reply her.. kat came over to my house... we drank alcohol, chat... and den i went to meet sweetie n huiqing, mi n sweetie took the same train.. surprisedly.. haha.. we chat and laugh.. we went to c the sanrio stuff sweetie wanted to buy.. den took noeprint.. it wasnt tat nice.. we went over to plaze sing.. haha.. we ate burger king.. den take neo.. the neo print look so nice.. we were laughin all the way.. den she text mi.. she told mi, tat she cired guess its for mi.. she ask mi to promise her somethin.. i cant.. i'm sorry.. how i wish i could hug her at tat point and break down.. we brought ticket to watch.. when a strangers call.. we bluff huiqing, we watchin the wild both mi n maryann kept layghin.. when she now the truth tat... she's nervouse.. haha... b4 going in cinema.. we went yamaha.. maryann played canon for mi.. i was like oh my.. i love yamaha.. haha.. especially those piano there.. my dream is to learn piano.. she played and i record it.. den went in cinema.. someone shouted my name.. it was kuku.. haha.. so surprise.. we sat behide them.. i sat next to maryann.. at the side.. den, esther wrote mi testi.. i cired.. i read it.. i feel so regretted.. hai... perhaps i did regret somethin.. but durin the show i was so scare the some effect.. i wanted to take somethin from my bag, someone tab mi.. oh my shoulder!! i so scare la! later i realise, it was maryann who did it.. haha... we hook our hand to each other.. like so scare la.. i scream more lo... den she so cute, were laughin her way there.. haha... cant stand it.. she's cute! after show run down the exit way.. to the toilet.. haha... den.. we went to suntec to shop.. shop for ice cream to eat.. huiqing ask the lady wat is in the tiramishu ice cream.. she say coffee and alcohol.. huiqing got so work out and ask.. wil my fren get drunk?? mi n sweetie laught non stop.. haha.. she's such a joker.. very funny la!! while walkin back.. esther call mi she told mi alot of thin.. which could actually make mi get obsess over her.. haha.. too many thin perhaps.. chatted with her 11min bill explode ar.. haha.. den mi,hq n maryann make a deal.. tat we still have 3more outin to go.. haha.. den went tm meet tianling, tianqin, lydia and another ger... mi and tianling smoke.. den ya lo.. hmmm... lydia cried.. haha.. long story... esther tokin to mi now.. she say tianling still like mi.. hai.. dunno la...

2006-05-16T03:12:00.000-07:00

i slept at 2plus yesterday.. i'm too EXHAUSTED today.. i am worried yesterday nite.. i told BEDTIME stroy to both shirley n maryann.. yup... its a touchin story.. i went sch today, dun wish to see somebody.. i went canteen, ESTHER was there.. she kept on hidin her face.. haha.. so cute.. coz she did facial.. at festival court, she n mi play peek a boo ar.. haha.. she keep coverin her face.. went class, was like screamin abt.. den, i realise my throat was hurtin.. i scream through one period coz no teacher.. den stop.. haha.. had foto takin.. i hope i did manage to SMILE nicely.. didnt noe i'm so gu niang la .. haha.. stood at the last row.. yeah.. den recess time, is a TURNAROUND for mi.. i saw *ahem, den she juz turn away n smile.. so cute la.. but i was feelin really sad.. i FORCE myself to eat finish tat bowl of food.. hai.. i omost cried la... den, sweetie so cute.. haha... around 110pm, i start feelin SICK.. stupid mrs yong, i wan slp cannot.. she wake mi up la.. i was so tired.. i loitered around wif kat, den.. wanted to sneeze, but i cant.. its really uncomfortable.. gosh, i think my new TARGET noe tat i LIKE her so paiseh!!! she's very cute.. i went to eat with ESTHER after sch.. they say tat she's JEALOUS, i have a new ah ma... she help mi cut my chicken chop... TIANQIN feed mi eat.. i'm really very sick... ESTHER OFFERED TO FEED MI.. but i dun wan.. haha.. butden she keep STARIN at mi.. den we BOTH laaught.. wat a ENJOYABLE time...than, one of esther's fren tot i'm bung.. esther was like she so ger la!! where got bung!! haha.. so cute of her i keep coughin until i vomited out twice in front of them.. hmm... cough cough* den, while walkin back, esther say if she ever LEAVE this yr.. she'll sing hui you na men yi tian tat song for mi.. SAD la!! she so cute.. den they went home.. saw sweetie.. she's sad.. stupid yeye!! send her such a hurtin msg.. alamak, she's sad.. but she DUN WAN to show it out.. hai.. den mi n kat went bedok reservoir.. we tok alot... hai... i told abt the thin tat happen exactly on 2.4km run tat day.. but, its so long ago.. i onli remember mi n esther de.. hai... den i told her tat touchin story.. she omost cried.. gosh.. i told her many thin.. she told mi her dirty SECRETS.. we enjoyed ourself there.. we promise to go bedok reservoir every week.. we saw SUNSET SETTIN together.. its very nice... den many many MEMORIES there.. next TIME i SAD , i'll SURE go there le.. TML'S going bugis wif sweetie n dear diary.. haha.. great!! i came home vomited again.. gosh.. i'm very sick.. need some rest... take care!! * i gonna show you i'm TOTALLY over you now*

2006-05-15T16:00:00.000-07:00

i am feelin realli down todae.sigh,i just wish i could end it all..i cant go on with this le.haiiss...would anyone tel me why is all this hurtin inside me?haiiss...
i just feel that all my frens are leavin me one by one.after the dae at tm(e quarrel wif xiner),i just feel so different...i wanted so much to cry out at times.im not bein myself.i need sum help.u came into my life,u took my heart n u broke it.yet,u didnt even wan to fix it back.i hate the wae ur treatin me.perhaps i shouldnt even hve cum into ur life.i shouldnt even have fall for u.haiiss,i miss u.
i can onli sae i miss u n my heart,yet not being able to voice it out to u.i can onli miss u secretly.deep down in my heart.

2006-05-15T03:47:00.000-07:00

sweetie, dun feel upset.. dun be sad nor afraid tat i will leave u one day.. coz, even til the end of times, i promise i will be there for u.. trust mi.. perhaps, time will really drift us apart... but, i hope u'll noe.. i'll nv forsake u.... i wont leave u alone to go thru times of tribulation... i wont upset u.. perhaps i'll disappoint you one day.. but, i'm sure for one thin... i wont leave u.. u muz cheer up no matter wat happen... nv be upset nor cry for mi... ok.. you're such a innocent n silly ger.. sigh.. i may leave shirley.. but i'm still there for her oway... i may leave u one day.. but i'll still be there.. huggs*

2006-05-15T03:09:00.000-07:00

early in the mornin i tot wat happen la.... den i am SLIGHTLY awake, i knew it was the THUNDER there muz be some FIGHTS in HEAVEN.. haha.. who noe??? well, i was slpin soundly until the thunder CRASH too loud.. tat's y i got quite scare.. was dreamin of sth.. tat xiner say she MISSES mi.. but haha.. i noe it WONT come true.. den suddenly i'm too scare.. scare tat the thunder STRUCK my buildin.. DEN i'll be DIED.. so i wake up.. rainin so heavily.. who is SHEDDIN so many tears? hai... yesterday i super sad.. i make sweetie very WORRIED for mi.. even shilin.. den wake up, saw a weird number.. oh.. is xiner's msg say y i smoke.. say wan cal police.. haha.. we can ONLI call police if mosquito bite us... haha.. yup.. coz tat is RAPPIN.. yeah.. bath le go down stairs my house.. i CUT my hair, preparin for tml's photo takin =) muz be neat n smart =) yup.. den went tm.. i bought many stuff.. eat tannpa-yaki.. i bought snacks, milk all this.. add upto around 60.. quite guilty ar.. coz most is spent on mi.. went popular bought around 20bucks.. haha.. my sis n bro were naggin to my mother sayin y she so DOTE mi.. is not worth it ect la.. haha.. but my mother jus cant be bothered with wat they says.. she allow mi to buy ANYTHIN!! =) haha... den i buy so many stuff.. i love my hello panda biscuits.. haha.. i bought TWO BIG packet and 12 small packets of it... yesh.. nice.. went home, pack bag for sch tml.. haha.. i WORTE letters.. den around 8 went to meet my sis.. she make mi carry EVERYTHIN la.. i bought LOLIPOP for those gers in 2/4.. LOVE them to bits and pieces.. i came home, pack alot of thin.. from bag to stationary, to food and now even pads la.. haha.. BOUGHT alot of food!! gosh i whole box is my food.. yup.. hai.. SWEETIE quite sad.. i think well, gal, cheer up.. you have mi=).. shirley oso.. alamak.. cheer up=) think i'm quite crappy today.. my BIRTHDAY COMIN!! wat would i wan to receive?? anythin! but i wan SURPRISE...i wan buy phone or mp3.. haha.. as long as can hear SONGS can le.. hope can SAVE money.. but, cannot la.. i dun like waste money on myself.. haha.. today is a borin day.. wat would HAPPEN tml??? i wish to noe after sch, where should i go? i dunno.. hai.. will rain like today? its gonna be my tears den... haha.. hopin for MIRACLE to happen.. i wan FATE to come! i noe NO longer in love!! i'm FINALLY OVER you!! yeah!! silly sweetie, i wont leave you =)

2006-05-14T05:25:00.000-07:00

today is a alrite day.. wake up early in the mornin.. went to meet jaz shawn and daddy christopher at tm around noon... saw kat so we went together too.. went to the open space, wanted to smoke.. though i did promise xiner i cant.. but nw she oso cant be bothered with mi.. hai.. but still.. i'm willin to change if she wants.. i saw janelle n ting wen.. went there tok wif them.. haha... hai.. hmm.. den smoke finish.. we went to take neoprint with shawn, chris, jaz, kat n mi.. yup... after tat we three sis went down to expo.. i sort of attitdue.. sorry gal.. wel.. but i love my sis.. so nice of them.. hai.. service is rather draggin.. kat went off half way.. den wha.. someone attitude mi la.. dunno.. wat is wrong with her.. so worried.. she change.. yet dun wan admit.. saw mi juz attitude.. hai.. sad.. den after tat, went to tm.. suddenly feelin quite sad.. hai... today smoke 3 sticks.. hai.. went wif pig.. den she buy beer.. gonna drink.. i suddenly miss esther... haha.. waitin for her to text mi.. i noe she wont..

2006-05-13T03:52:00.000-07:00

today is a alrite day for mi.. early in the mornin.. i mean noon.. went bugis wif yu ting... we shop together wif my sweetie maryann.. den she is so cute and sweet la.. haha.. i bought my zinc bag.. finally den i was tokin to yuting.. suddenly i saw xiner.. gosh.. she walk away from mi den from den, nth le.. den we go shop for sand's presents.. yup.. we went to town.. cine.. den mi n her eat pastamania.. so full la.. my senior felicia come and find us.. haha.. mi n her took neo.. was kinda alrite today.. den we shop... fel n mi our leg so pain la.. went arcade.. i saw my ex shawn and den daddy christoher.. haha.. they so cute n funny.. shawn callin me later... yeah.. spent alot today.. we went lido and watch posesidon.. WAT A SAD SHOW LA!! its very very nice.. i cant desribe it.. i was rather emotional when i watch it.. haha.. den.. after show went heeren and den cine.. well.. throughout today i now.. i miss esther alot.. reach home around 1145pm.. tml going out again.. yeah!! i'm juz feelin.. somethin are missin in my life.. yup.. i noe somethin yesterday.. cant slp.. hai.. nvm.. take care..

2006-05-12T02:49:00.000-07:00

today is a very sad day for mi... hai.. wel.. i step into sch early in the morinin.. esther came lookin for mi pass mi lolipop so sweet.. two somemore.. maryann sweetie so sweet.. pass mi two voodoo and a note book... her letter touch mi alot.. yup... den listenin onli 15mins.. den is accounts.. account so hard... but yeah!! exam's finally over!! well.. esther start mag-ing mi first so sweet.. go tm jan n xiner sort of quarrel.. i feel so bad... coz i sided jan... i very guilty.. hai... den jaz, kat n xiner say.. fuck she come le.. wah.. gosh... my heart break.. we omost end up like enemies.. hai.. think now is le.. she nv call mi.. sad!! den.. i brought the panda for her.. think she dunno.. yup.. hmm.. ermx.. went jaz house watch the ghost show.. scary!! tat ghost wear red!! hmmm... den xiner went home.. let her go den.. hai... so hurtful.. well, after tat go shoppin wif kat n her niece.. den with shirley and shilin.. they all come down find mi.. so sweet.. hmmm.. come home, i msg esther.. she cant be bothered.. i call her but she still angry.. hai.. went cyclin to find darrion fang marg n more.. wah... i was thinkin of xiner tat thin.. so sad.. den a imagination of mi got accident appear.. suay suay cross raod a car bang into mi... hit my front wheel.. den, i fly out.. pain la.. wha... i was so sad le... i very scare.. if i die, i sure go find they two.. hmm.. ya lo...dun angry with mi.. hai...

2006-05-11T04:13:00.000-07:00

today i slept til around ten in the mornin.. i have a weird dream not onli mi.. even jaz, xiner, pris n me.. all have weird dreams.. haha.. ermx.. hmm stay at home study.. til 2plus.. i did study.. yeah!! i hope tmlx i can pass.. last paper, accounts.. wish mi all the best!! haha ermx... den went to pris house.. we watch the maid. xiner seat next to mi.. give mi comfort.. haha.. coz i scare.. think jaz realli like pris.. watch le.. so scary la!! hmm.. yup... den after tat.. she keep tellin mi abt calest.. but nvm la.. hmmm... we watch porn.. horny la.. haha.. i help pris pierce tongue.. jaz so worried.. haha.. went home.. juz browse thru the accounts note.. i really wish to do well.. tml actually suppose to go out with sweetie.. but nv so going out with kat, jaz n xin er.. going watch ghost show again at jaz house.. yup wat wil happen tml?? dunno lei.. i msg esther juz now.. msg quite long.. but den i got tear in my eyes.. i wil miss esther when she leave this yr..i have date with her on a date... somemore end of tis yr.. hmmm.. and on august8 oso.. wo hao xiang mi.. hmmm... ermx... luckily i've given up totally on both of them.. mayb still feelin quite weird.. mayb still sad for them.. but den, since they two both oso wont like mi.. y go on?? yup.. wish mi all the best tml!!! =)

2006-05-10T03:22:00.000-07:00

today is a HECTIC day for mi... my math paper2 starts at 8 til 930am.. i slept from 810 ALL THE WAY til end of paper.. i was droolin on the paper.. slp like a pig.. yesterday nite i fuckin SCARE til i nv slp.. think tonite oso lei... hai..ermx... hmm.. den 40mark paper i nv do 27marks la... hack ar.. sure FAIL de.. after sch waited for xiner and pris.. i love SWEETIE she's very sad.. gosh.. cheer up gal... you have mi!! i pass her tat lovely memories file.. yup.. and i MISS my DEAR DIARY.. hmm.. waited for xinerwith pris, jaz n ket.. they say ghost stroy.. i super scare la... den, we play ouja board.. the result so SCARY.. the thin circle the word DIE.. alamak.. help.. we all so scare throughout.. den we when tm.. i saw sweetie n dear diary there.. the 2/3'cutie' was there.. haha.. so fated.. wel, kat so sad.. jaz oso.. pris as wel.. i'm juz MOODY.. haha.. tml no sch... going pris house.. yup.. hmmm.. den went to ep with pris and jaz.. jaz say like pris.. but think is fake de.. i dunno.. i saw TIANLING, gosh.. i really MISS her.. alot alot... haha... went home.. nthin to do.. yup.. xiner called me.. haha.. she's rather WEIRD lei.. hmm... hope i can slp early.. tml will be a BETTER DAY FOR MI! =) tats all for today.. cheer up everyone.. exam's gonna be over in two days time.. we shall played and celebrate like nv b4.. YEAH!!!

2006-05-09T03:28:00.000-07:00

today is my accounts paper.. i am quite happy! haha... coz i did manage to complete juz as the teacher say times up den i juz put down my pen... thank GOD... tat i did manage to do.. i hope i get the correct ans... alot of ppl nv do.. i'm one of the main in complete it all.. tml is math paper 2.. i very scare.. coz its my weakest subject.. after tat is account paper1.. hope can do well den exam's OVER! xiner, pris, jazmin,kat came my house today.. we watch the red shoes the ghost show.. i was holing on to xiner's hand throughout the show... coz its scary! she n pris bung stil scare.. haha.. eh.. kat n jaz went home around 2 den left onli mi n two bung i wan to lodge a complaint to police tat xiner molested and rape mi.. haha.. until i bite her hand which end up swollen *sorry* den pris so sad.. she was writin and vandalizin on my table.. hopfully wenya will read it one day.. hai.. suddenly xiner tok to mi abt her calesta which upset mi la.. hmmm.. they went home.. i msg esther.. i told her.. i was really upset.. i cried she seems rather sad too.. i will miss her when she leave sch tis yr... today is my 9months like her le.. yup.. den esther sort of cheer mi up.. dunno... i cry for xiner or estrher.. hai... cry til really like hell.. den went to meet laogong jaz at tm.. took neo's very happy when i'm out with her.. yeah.. i MISS YOU GAL!!!

2006-05-08T03:21:00.000-07:00

hmmm... today, is a RELAXIN day for me.. i shop throughout the WHOLE DAY... =] i spent quite alot.. 100 plus... i guess.. noon, went out with my family.. i brought the cd, and a file, bra and oso shirt.. haha.. i shop for the bra.. my sis force mi to buy a NORMAL bra.. i try on it.. i wasted one hour in metro.. eat alot lo.. eat mushroom, noodle, ice cream, rice.. at one go! alamak! haha... hmmm.. come home, wrote a letter.. was quite EMOTIONAL... i onli learn 10min of accounts.. tml's accounts.. my best subject.. if i fail.. i'll CRY..=x hai... ermx.. i was quite emotional today.. but it ok.. yeah, i chatted wif xiner on the phone juz now.. SHE TREAT ME SO BAD.. but i cant be bothered anymore.. haha... yupp... i MISS ESTHER lei TWO DAYS nv contact her... hmm.. tml is 080506.. well.. guess wat? its the NINTH month.. haha.. yup... wonder wat FLAVOUR lolipop will she give mi tml??? tml waitin for pris AFTER EXAM.. nth else.. tats all.. =)

2006-05-07T15:36:00.000-07:00

hai today was a really sad day for mi.. my dad give mi 100bucks... den mi n sis go shop at n2.. buy planner and alot of stuff.. hai.. i stayed home.. til 4plus...played fortune with ssa.. den i wrote letter to xiner.. wha.. sad la.. wont care but its ok.. hai... went service played with darrion la.. he very naughty.. keep sayin mi... hmmm.. went tm after tat... seat at the open space with pig.. smoke there.. i abit sad.. but i dunno oso.. my mummy buy mi two sport bra and two shirt.... my family suddenly so rich... siao de... hmm.. nth happen exactly today... pris, dun sad anymore alright? its time to let go though you say dun wan... you muz... yupp... i suddenly miss esther.. hmm...
XINER DUN REMEMBER MY BIRTHDAY!! NOR DOES SHE REMEMBER THAT TML IS THE ONE MONTH WE BROKE UP!! HAI!! today is 6 mi n esther break 8month le... hai... heartless her... at least i give up le... hmm...

2006-05-06T13:58:00.000-07:00

many has been so SAD.. why would thin turn out TIS WAY?? hai... i tot i 'm alright but i'm WRONG.. coz i shed some tears for her again.. i sad to continue lovin, but i guess, i cat wait on... ger feelin's faded alot and she said its impossible.. impossible to be together ok.. hai... wat logic is TIS??? i felt like cryin again... hai... why would love hurt someone so much??? i miss her... in everyway... its sad to miss someone when she is beside you... knowin tat you cant have them anymore.. hai.. i am... giving up.. lettin go.. though it hurts.. but still, i wan to...

2006-05-06T01:56:00.000-07:00

Today i pass the rose to xiner, she say its not green... hai... went into class aida pass me a green apple lolipop from esther... i didnt get to see her, she is so sick.. take care... today is math paper... its start from 740 to 910am becoz of the voting tml.. well, can you imagine, from 825 to 9 i slept THROUGHOUT? oh well, yesterday is a sad day for pris and wen... CHEER UP FRENS... after school met up wif xiner we waited for pris til around noon... xiner was like playin piano.. i oso playin ma.. haha.. i shock dao coz kat say jaz LIKES MI.. MAD LA.. but is fake de... hmmm..., waited with ting wen for her cab, den we walk to bedok reservoir IN THE RAIN.. xiner say i ah ma while the rest is children.. say she is the teacher.. ask us to careful walk ect.. watever la... but SO CUTE... haha.. den say i old woman, got soft and fragile bone, ask me dun hit the wall.. haha.. went there, xiner's toruring my flower!!! many petals drop.. hai.. its dyin soon.. hai... i n ruqin went down the reservoir.... reservoir is big LA... hmm... den i step on those stones and i was all wet plus the rain.. i didnt noe there fish in it.. got tortoise leh... den the tortoise all swim toward mi, xin er.... mi,ruqin n jazmin went down to catch it.. jazmin brin up she chase pris and xiner n katherine around with the tortoise.. so funny la... i keep on staring at those tortoise.. one by one come...i saw 6 lovely tortoise SWIMMIN IN THE RESERVOIR.... so cute.. den pris super sad, she take lighter burn away all those letters wenya wrote ect... sad la.. xin er help her burn too.. hai... jazmin very sad too becoz of the ronald thin.. i noe, kat is sad coz of him, ruqin sad coz her family, pris sad coz of wenya... XINER'S sad, i dunno y... but i noe she's very sad... she keep denyin... i dunno y.. but i had a very STRONG feelin SHE IS!!! plus, yesterday she accuese herself.. its not her fault.. hai... finally, i'm the HAPPIEST person there... think i givin up.. tats y i am seriously not upset... haha... i sad but oso counted the happiest person there juz now... well, l keep starin at the tortoise... tortoise are CUTE but they muz be VERY SAD being abandon by their owners.. they swim wif their own account, n they have freedom in the sea, but wat if somethin EAT IT UP??? worried too.. i wanted to go ESTHER'S HOUSE de but i care so much for wat... hmmm.. xin er walk home think she really very sad... shirley oso sad, yuting oso.. wat is goin on nowadays??? hai..

MARYANN SWEETIE... where are you?? i'm missing you.. thank for your LOVELY post card.. it touch mi... and my DEAR DIARY, i miss the whole bunch of u.. though we've drifted apart.. i still wants u to noe.. I CARE...

2006-05-05T02:36:00.000-07:00

today i had my literature paper.. thank for the orange lolipop esther give mi.. after tat, went home first with katherine.. den i had a bad stomach ache *xiner, dun angry with mi* hmmm... alrights, went to jazmin house to meet she and xiner, i knew somethin since last nite.. was kinda sad or happy, i dunno... i'm sorry.. i didnt noe i would hurt u so badly.. hai... den i ask the magic ball..the ball say tat she still has feelin for mi.. den went to beach, she was furious at first dunno y... hai... den i walk along the beach, she n jazmin catch a dead fish... haiyo.. i was walkin and listenin song.. and my tear... roll down.. jus roll down.. i didnt noe why... hai... den wah i thick skin.. keep sayin she like me huh... deny n deny... hmmm... we sat at the table.. jazmin n ket go another corner.. den i wanted to have a chat wif xiner, gosh... sad la.. she sort of avoided my que... i noe she's sad... very very sad.. i sat beside her finially she said the truth to me.. tat she still has feelin for me.. my tear flow down la... sad... hmmm... but i am brave enough to confess.. yupp... anyway

all i want is to ask, is there still possibility between us????? i miss you gal... hai...

2006-05-03T04:11:00.000-07:00

today she suppose to come my house... end up after sch she go pris house... we took the same bus den she seat directly behind mi all the way.. i get down the bus, was like kinda upset... of coz la... think she pointed at mi or somethin... wel, went to shop around tm... yu ting noe the truth.. she's confuse... she cried in front of mi... char's so heartless la... dun care her... than mi n yu ting seat at the blk underneath.. i was hopin for miracle... i dun wan to find fate, so i choose to let fate come to me instead... i brought my two white rose, i'm goin dye it with green... hopefully it succeed... going home tat, i walk, yu ting behind den suddenly someone called mi... i turn... saw xiner.. my heart pounded so fast.. than quickly hide my rose... but she get on the bus.. yu ting show her la.. so paiseh... hai.... now yu ting confessed her love to her, yet tat person just cant be bothered.. hate it la... well... yesterday was a sad day for mi... coz its the day i noe i have to let go.. exam's tml.. its the main three topic.. the subject.. how am i suppose to study? i cant focus today's paper i slept throughout... i was tired... i was really sad... she say she've make her choice, we are impossible... impossible to be together again... gosh..... its a dream... tel mi tat its a dream... i'm afraid to accept the fact... i'm going to buy my bag... tml's exam... how am i suppose to let go??? thank esther for the lolipop the past few days...

2006-05-03T01:23:00.000-07:00

i read xiner's blog.
i read it.was veri shock.
that she wil write all this stuff in it.
i heard from jazmin n katherine that she sae she still miss me.
but haiiss, she stil end the thin with a its impossible.
nothing in this world is impossible lahhs.
haiiss,she sae that she has alreadi make a choice
that both me n heris impossible.
impossible to be together gain.
haiiss what is this?
wo hao xiang ni,
seriously deep down,
i dun lyk esther lahhs.
she hurt me so much le.
haiiss but so sweet of her,
cuz every single dae she give me a lollipop for me to
start off with exam.
dun do things that wil make me melt.
haiiss,wo zhi xiang yao ni.
is it that hard?
haiiss..
why is everythin happenin so fast?
haiiss..yesterdae i saw her,
is that call findin fate or fate?
is that wad i wans,
how i wish i realli can give up.
i dun mind gettin hurt.
haiiss,seriously dun.
i rather u hurt me everytime,
than to sae goodbye without tellin me why.
all i miss is u.
i cant eat nor sleep.
all i wan is u.
haiiss...

da sheng shuo:

wo zhen de hao ai ni.

return back,will you?

i seriously miss you.

dun walk away from me.

2006-04-30T02:48:00.000-07:00

today go and meet xin er and jasmine. i fall down from the thin. than so painful... coz jasmine say got ants den i jump down, i fell... than got blood on my knee.... xin er keep laughin but came towards me... and help me clean....i so scare la... is so painful ..... haiissss..... than so sweet of her... i keep thinkin tat she's mine but i gotta noe.. tat she is not.. i was kinda sad.. she dun allow me to smoke, wat's the meanin of it?? than she lend me her hand, and wanted to pull me up.. i was like.... how i wish, i could hold the hand forever, and walk down the slope, nv to let it go... but, i noe its juz dream.. hai... than, walk toward the shop... jasmine was cryin there coz her mother.....hmmmm... hai... than xiner run.. i chase her for my cigg... than when she goin off, she give mi a hug.. hai.. in gabriel's house.. jasmine was like slpin .. dunno if xin er true cares or wat... hai... all my mind is her.. i juz felt like cryin.....

2006-04-30T02:30:00.000-07:00

pass few days is not ok for me exam's around the corner. thank to esther for the lollipop.. hahas... today she message me first.. i so happy.. yeah.. gonna give up on xiner.. feel so sad.. not going to love anyone.. but still, i will miss esther.. i muz cherish this time with her.. yupp... i miss you...

2006-04-25T00:19:00.000-07:00

todae in school,i pass a lollipop (i buy myself de!)..yupp..then,during recess time,jazmin came up to me n actualli wanted to tel me sum stuff...gosh,she sae if e whole sch noes,i wil be dead.plus if my parents noe,not that good etc..she sae is xiner n janelle sae...wha,i heard this two name im kinda nervous.did i realli do anything wrong?did i eva do sth so bad?
well...i get to noe the truth.shes my ex.n she backstab me,behind my back.
gosh,what is this?of cuz hearin upon that im extremely sad myself.am i as bad as u think i am?am i so bad that i will influence others?fine,i admit loh..im bad,heartless,wicked,cruel,cunning,....im afterall a bad company lahh alrights!!!
again n again u sae things that make me cry.why much tears ive shed for u?how many times u break my heart?everytime in school, i have to pass by u,as in nth has happened at all..when actualli,my heart is breakin every single second.why long muz this pain stil goes on?its all lies n hurt that u brought into my life.when will the dae cum?when u stop those hurts for me?
than,i feel rather sad in class,of cuz lahh...sumone who i haven forget sae that abt me.siding janelle again.haiiss...dunno how or what lahh..den,in class for growin years,ms chua talks abt break up.my classmate all sae abt me lahhs.sae the cut thing,sae what pancakes etc...reali thank zhenxiu n gera alot...dey reali did care alot for me.haiiss..so sweet.

wo bu zai hui ai ni le.
i wouldnt wan to love u.
luvin u hurts,.
dere''s so much i wan to sae.
sae so much end up oso no use.
u wil onli backstab me more.
u wil onli hate me more.
what did i do lahh?
can nvr do anythin
that makes u sacrfice
or even to shed a tear for me.

i hate u for breakin my hart.
i hate u for causing my life like this.
i dun need to share half of ur hart,
with someone else.
1638pm.

2006-04-24T07:22:00.000-07:00

on saturdae,220406
i was actuali alright. i saw campus superstar.well,
mornin i go mit daddy...he buy me alot of things...den go home,tried not to think too much thats why i keep on occupyin myself with stuff..den go service,supposedly mit ESTHER de..but i onli manage to see my hp one hour later.so den too bad lohhs...but i cant be bothered lahhs...i cried alot todae..i realli cry la..than,i was abt to play the cat n mice game,xiner text me!!!wha,her msg is just...so complicatin lahhs...i so sad throughout the nite,i cant sleep.. me n SHIRLEY CHUA plus FLORA ok le..hahas..so nice of them lehhs...well,that nite i couldnt sleep till 2plus...

the next mornin i woke up,with tears in my eyes...i had bad nightmares=[

on sundae,230406
early in the mornin,i woke up..i had a bad nightmares..i dreamt of xiner...its a long story..veri scary...i onli rmb a line'xiner dun love u anymore'...haiis..what a sad dream.the rest i cannot rmb le..den i msg her...we msg throughout..dunno who nvr reply who..i dunno...ermx,i went pasir ris park,den she called me..talk hor..so long lahhs..hahas... wel,
we are leadin our own life now..she is my dog lehhx!!!hahas...she sae she aim a gal in 2/5..wha,my heart sank..i thot i forget le..i think so..but,why is it that when she tel me abt the gal,i feel so sad..why?but,she stil manage to cheer me up=] she's my dog! cute.hahas...think she realli got feelin for that gal..CONFIRM~!! plus,yesterdae she suddenly so nice to me, yesterdae she is so sweet, i miss the past!=[

pass 1am le,i am still talkin to shirley on the phone, so exhausted.

mondae,240406
i slept at ard 2am,i woke up 630am..im so tired..EXTREMTELY..i couldnt even open my eye wide...but i stil manage to go school, i reach there,saw my dog!!hahas... she pass me the leta..i read it over several times lahh...hmmm,cuz i tink her leta sumhow,is veri sweet lehx...meltin..hahas...nvr get to see esther...also dun wan..i cant be bothered too.i have yew!=]..
class is tiring todae,i run here n dere lahhs.hahas...plus, i give maryann my file..i brought it for her..hahas...its veri cheapskate lahh.. but sumhow i hope she wil apreciate it lo.hahas.. she give me sweet smile todae...hahas...
after school,i saw maryann,wendy veri angry.sort of.than she use shoes chase me around the whole carpark lahhs..hahas.. so bored lohh. after school we went to airport, me,jazmin,katherine n wendy. we were there,we make fun of a auntie..hahas so funny snore so damn fuckin loud lahhs... den,suddenly jazmin talk to me abt my family..i was like..what is this lahh.. she make me cry..but i just wipe my tears..i didnt tel her much. i didnt let her noe how i feel,i was realli feelin extremely down..but,i didnt wan to cry..i dunno... i onli noe she is the onli one who actuali try to wake me up inside of me.haiiss..
after that,i n wendy bring katherine down go see gabriel..wha,she like so sad lahhs. den i didnt noe i so fierce.i kept on lecturin her..i also sort of scolded wendy..they two of them just cry.kat stood cryin,wendy squat down n cry,.guess i have to wake dem up.i lecture dem for ard 45mins lahhs..i shouted at dem... roysten sae to love kuku forever end up brk,kather also..haiiss..den,xiner told me that she wil nvr make me cry...she wont ever break my heart.n sae that we are meant to be,but all this is just a lie.haiiss..im sorri for bein so fierce just now...but i need to wake u two up...kuku sae thank u to me =]

i dun wan to share ur heart wif sumone else.
love me or hate me,tel me the truth.
memories that last forever yet
everythin is in the past.
times we have together are gone.
i miss those time.
would u ever return back to me?
in eveyone's life,
dey have to go thru a time,
where they first get to noe sumone,
who means alot n is veri precious to dem,
but end up havin to let go stil...
i wil try my best to let u go=[

my love for u
will slowly fades away
as the dae past by
n the picture of ur smile
will slowly fade as well,
till the dae when i cant see it
anymore.
dun ever sae u love me anymore,
cuz i now
u will nvr return back to me...

i love u,my prince charmin=]
u make me so incomplete
n yet,im still holdin on.
cuz i want to prove to u
that my love for u is true=]

i love my dog=]

2006-04-21T03:29:00.000-07:00

fcuk lahh.
i write so long den the entries deleted..

onli have a few words to sae now..
esther angry with me for no reason..
xiner todae pass me a leta,
i onli want to noe the reason to her
last sentence...

i go home just now..hear the song yue ding,
i cry lo..cuz the song is suppose to be our song.haiiss.
sad case..den,u sae ive forgotten u..i have not!

i am missin u rite now.

i cant stop to think..

of those memories we have together.

i use to think,

that we wont end it so fast.

but nw,

i gotta accept the fact..

that we've ended our story long ago.

i stil miss u,

but wad can i do?

ure saein my leta for u are all bullshit.

its from my heart..

my heart cried out..

how much i wants u.

how much i miss u.

ever since we broke up,

i nvr dare drink greentea.

ure the one who brought it for me..

now,if i were to drink it,

who wuld share the sweetness with me?

i miss callin u sweetheart..

i miss runnin to u ngive u a hug.

i miss u..but i have to face the fact.

that ure feelin is no longer there for me.

have u ever love me before?

have u ever cried for me?

i wan to noe,

if ure stil missin me.

i miss u.

haiiss..i reali do.

u noe ur in love

when the hardest thin

is to sae goodbye,

i once love u

n i stil do,.

1835pm.

2006-04-21T02:12:00.000-07:00

THURSDAE190406_
yesterdae,i didnt get to talk to esther for the whole dae.just like that lohhs..haiiss...yesterdae,after sch,i was like...esther goin one direction(to the right),xiner goin e direction to the left...i dunno which wae to go..supposedly i chose that path esther take...cuz this two path can brin me to busstop mahhs hahas..but den i talk n talk n talk...den i realise,esther go liao...didnt noe i talk so much ehhx.hahas..
went to tm yesterdae...scolded that fCukin bitch madaline...i scold her half wae,outside the fourth floor toilet.e life there..den sae sly n belle..hahas...sly wear until so gal gal lahh...hahas..ehhx...den nth much lo..go home,reply leta...do accounts...wha...sad lahhs...i cry for xiner lahhs...or ixit esther?aiya...no lahh..no one..i just cry lo...im veri sad thats why...

FRIDAE200406_
todae,went to sch...chat with xiner..wahahas...so happi..den,pe time xiner pass by me...like got smile,like nvr..i also dunno...den,lit time.. ESTHER pass by my class..she pass by twice.the second time she wave n smile at me..i was like...meltin..hahas...den i fall of the chair lahh...luckily ms kang dunno...i took back my progress card den is like..all is red mark lahh..was veri discouraged..but,nvr cry=]..i pass 6 fail 12 of it...flank it totally=[..
durin chinese went to av theatre...den we all so noisy there...in front or=f me is gera wu,zhenxiu n deborah sittin.den next to me in katherine n hafi...behind is kuku wendy...dey all were like..keep insultin xiner lahh..veri bad lo..i feel so sad when dey ask me why i like her etc...oh ya,xiner wrote me a leta,what is the meanin of it?i onli want to noe..the meanin to the last sentence..haiiss..den gera dey all keep saein her etc..i was like shoutin to the whole class in av,"who dun like xiner stand up"wha..stupid...gera,debrorah,zhenxiu,jiawei,even felicia from another stood up...cant stop laughin lo..hahas...dey sae my taste bad,where got?i like can le mahhs...its fun in there/..haiiss.
after school,i took all my books home...esther ANGRY with me again lahhs..what the fcuk..bcuz of a cute gal,rachel lee.hmm...den,i she bu de go home..wait for cab with wendy n kat..but den dun have..so i ask wendy to go back sch with me..went in,jazmin sae she lost her wallet..oh no..supposed to tio a gal de..but,nvr liao...i went in sch..saw XINER at class 2/7 dere.i stood at 3/4 there lo.hahas...deborah keep saein"she starin at u"so paisehx lah..but if she ever stare at me,my head will roll le lohhs...she just..walk pass me like that den.haiiss..sad..after sch,she opposite..i cross to hire cab..i got ABANDICS pain lahh..so just cab home..

cab home liao den meet pig..she pass me cigarette.hahas..so bored...i listen to the song yue ding,i cry lo..because of her.this song is suppose to be our song lahh...haiiss..

ive been cryin for u everynite,

its onli that u dunno.

u thought ive forgotten u,.

but its not true.

ure stil the one i want badly..

how much time muz i need,

to give up on u?

where is the promise u make,

u sae nvr to leave me.

u sae to love me forever...

till now,i dunno what is the reason

u sae break to me..

i wants to noe...

i dun ask for anythin but onli for u

to tell me the reason why,im satisfied.

its been so long since we broke up,

but still,i cant get u off my mind.

i nvr dare to drink 'greentea'..

cuz u owax buy it for me..

now that ure gone,

who will share the sweetness with me?

i noe u no longer likes me,

i am just havin false hope for myself.

have u ever love me before?

have u ever cried for me?

this is all i wan to noe.

where is the commitment ure

suppose to do?u nvr fufil it.

n yet,u left me so sudden..

i miss u..

i stil long to col u sweetheart for the last time.

i stil wants to run to u n give u a hug.=[

im longin..im waitin..

but everythin is just a dream=[

u noe ure in love

when the hardest thing

to sae is GOODBYE.

i once love u,

n now i stil do.

1826pm

imizyew.

2006-04-18T23:49:00.000-07:00

i cried myself to sleep yesterdae.once more.i have to get this rite..haiss.i got to solve all those confusion in me..

is there anyone out there?

would u answer my prayer?

tel me why am i feelin this.

tell me what has got me into this.

tel me who would be the one for me,

to get me out of those pains n hurts.

i need sumone who cares for me,

to guide me in this journey.

i need sumone special,

to lead me back to the startin point

when i first get to love.

i nvr thought,

i would love n fall so badly=[

todae was in rtc the whole dae.i get indoor lahhs...alone....i was kinda discouraged.teachers are all accusin me of bein rude etc.i did yes i noe,but..haiiss...i skip assembly n oral..cuz its too borin!! dun expect me top go back n etc....hahas..ya lo...

todae esther ye got go rtc..so cute lahhs...but,i dunno ehhx..dunno how am i feelin now....just sad...i help to clean rtc todae lohs..i sweep floor etc lahhs...ehhx,den help out..but i manage to go back for accountss...yup...onli that in rtc,my heartbeat veri fast.hahas...xiner pass by me todae n knock into me=[

jazmin broke up with her boyfren todae..she like veri the sad ehhx..yupp she is..cuz she shared so many memories with him...four more daes their two months...at least they manage to celebrate one month together,i dun even have a chance!haiis...nvmx...dun think abt this le...dun sad ba..

family stands for "father and mother i love you"

let me tell u,i hate family.i dun have one..n i would nvr love a family.

i shall just treat it as i dun have a family.

oh please,anyone who wants to ever mention abt this issue,dun sae it in front of me.

my anger will vent anytime.

i dun wan to waste my tears cryn for such matters.

it is not worth it!!!=[

i can never take back those love i once gave u.

i can pretend,that nothin ever happen before.

i cant find the direction back to the startin point,

when i first love you.

i will have to pretend that i dun love u anymore.

i will have to pretend that no history ever happen before.

i will have to get this clear,thats theres no longer any chemistry for us.

i need to fake a wide smile out when i see you,

i need to fake it out that im leadin a happi life.

i need to turn away before my tears ever fall.

i need to get u out of my mind,i cant handle the pain.

i want to scream it out loud,

that i still love you!

my love for you

will slowly fade away

as the picture of ur smile

slowly fade away from my mind

1515pm.

2006-04-18T01:44:00.000-07:00

yesterdae i CRIED for esther..i feel so...sad...i cried till i fall asleep.haiiss...i dunno what is wrong with me.i read her blog,she cried yesterdae too...would it be that,we are cryin atthe same time yesterdae?
haiiss..i dunno... i am just feelin extremely down yesterdae..i recall those sweet memories we use to have...but,like what i sae,its all memories.memories that cabnt nvr be reverse back in time anymore.haiiss....i gues..im GIVINUP... all she ever want is her zhihao,not me!!!i need to get this clear,that she dun need me anymore in her life!todae early in the mornin heard her sae abt her guy..haiiss...i muz fan qi le lahhs... its like...tearin me apart...
todae in school,ms daisy tan took up five periods...wha,than,she cried...she is ard 30+(not married)n yet,she cried in front of us.my whole class was like...laughin nonstop?n also,its rather funny..we dunno whats the reason she cry for..yupp.i get SUSPENDED in rtc todae...the whole dae lahhs..i just realise that i sign in the log book..since the first dae of sch till now,is like..alreadi abt 31 times?despite onli havin 62 daes...gosh..
its recess time after accounts..well,den same recess as 2/1...ehhx..what shld i sae ehhx?hmmm well,i fell down in front of her.stupid lahhs...she DUN EVEN CARE FOR ME!haiiss,anywaes,i admit..im feelin sad..veri sad in fact...i wanted to approach her,askin if she allow me to HUG her just one last time n than i willl swore to completely give up.shld i sae ive alreadi give up,or just lyin to myself?i told certain ppl....that,i am tryinto run away from the fact.till the time comes,.when i havecompletely give up..thats when im prepared to face those hurts n pain...this has been botherin me for sum time just now in rtc..haiis...HELP!!!
i dun wan to love anymore...it hurts me deeply...i no wants to longer love...i dun wanlove esther le..she onli cares for her zhihao...not me!!!ppl,give me time to GIVE UP on everythin..n e two of them...im just bein kinda weird todae...dwellin over the past of me n xiner...feelins gone.long ago..but onli that memories are still kept in my head...i have to *shake it completely off my mind*..i cant afford to make myself reali feel the pain once again...

im afraid of those pain i once felt,

for them...get it into MYHEAD!!!

BOTH U N I WERE NVR MEANT TO BE TOGETHER,

ANYMORE!!

im onli a human,

why would u wan to hurt me so badly?

its onli pain that im feelin

1738pm.

ihavetoletthingsgo=[

2006-04-13T01:35:00.000-07:00

im here to blog once more.im gonna tel everyone,that i'll turn bung esther..well,i cut my hair le..but hahas..yesterdae i have such a great desire wantin to turn for esther...but,all she care for is maryann,not me!!haiiss!!!veri sad.realli veri verii sad..oh no...is lyk..i read those past letters etc,i wanted so much to break down.but,i cant..cuz i noe,i will end up hurt.hais..i feel so paisehx when i see esther todae..its veri paisehx lehh..help..i see her,i wanted to blush..yet dun wan...i dunno wat i wan too!!!haiiss!!!cuz alot ppl suggest me nt to turn..im like..serious now...haiiss...
she ius the one.,..who sae to love ,me forever/.but sigh,what is this...
im sad.im seriously am...i feel like breakin down..my life seems to be gone already.haiiss.. felt like cryin,.what to do can?yesterdae i pierce my lips wha...fuckin sad lahh...but i rather let myself feel the pain,then to let my heart brk.haiiss...i felt like brekin down..this few daes..heyu what is with me?
think me n xiner is still frens le.haiiss..good ba..we talk todae...luckily ive given up.haiiss..sad..sad..sad..im realli sad.but,i dunno the reasons why.think is al abt esther?!?!?!haiiss...
sweetie,i think she veri the sad.i cant stand seein the wae her heart brk,the wae she show her broken smile.its all fake..i dun lyk to see this.i hate seein her cry,i hate seein her so sad..haiiss....im sorri.but i failed..i cant do anything...im speechles....i dunn o what is goin on in life.haiiss..
shi jie shang mei you bu hui jiao de fu mu,
zhi you bu ting hua de hai zi.=[-ive let u down.
im sorri.i shouldnt even be born.cum into this world.
i onli bring sadness to everyones life.

well,im speechless rite now,but i onli have one thing to sae.

is that,i love esther ye!

shout it out loud:

i realli do love you,

wont u be mine too?

you mean everything to me,,,

cant imagine a dae without u by my side!

ure all i ever wan!!

JOANNA LOVE ESTHER!!!!

its dated:

130406.

ilove79=]

2006-04-11T00:22:00.000-07:00

what shld i sae abt my life for this pass few daes?
haiiss..its a disaster.i need to get thru it.hasnt been great.
esp when todae is suppose my one month but yet,we fight.
had a big fight,what the fuck!luckily we break le.im not gonna be sad
over her anymore.she's not worth my sadness...i hope by saein
that...i myself realli can get over it.
i dun wan to drag this on..i have to let go..let go of everything..
i dun wan to feel anymore pain for her.
its a tragedy...a nightmares that is scarin me...
im afraid....to suffer much more for her.
God pls get me out of this life...that is tearin me apart..i have to fuckin
get my right life now..cant let this go on...
i will disappoint everyone,esp my pig...
she thinks that i am lyk..haiiss...what a sad dae it is..
i cant go on hurtin everyone ard me..that cares for me...
without XINER,i am stil able to go on with life....
YES i can!!!frens,pls help me thru...
rite now,im runnin away from the fact...
i nid to..if not,the joanna u see todae,
wouldnt be smilin out alreadi...
haiiss...nvmx.just let me be,it has be a sad dae for me.

i cant let others worry for me.
i have to be strong...im worried for my sweetie,
in sch,whenever she see me,she's just weird.
as if she is avoidin me.but i noe,whenever i saw her,
i manage to put on a smile=]..seein her makes me happy too.
i saw her sweet smile todae.how i wish,everydae is lyk tis.
when i get to see sweetie's smile,all my worries are gone.
i dunno what is so special of her,to calm me down.
to makes me smile,to brighten up my dae.
she is my sweetie.thats onli her..onli she can makes me
feel this dae.onli she can makes me feel the love again.
thanks sweetie.ure sumone special to me.
i wan to makes u smile.dun ever be hearttbroken.
cuz i am worried..its not ur fault for everythin..
wish upon a star,n sumhow ur wish wil cum true too.
frens will cum n go,but owax rmb that,joanna yong
will owax stay by ur side.im not ur fren,im ur sweetie!
so that is why i wont go away..nvr will i go.i swear!
i love u my sweetie maryann.i seriously do=]

hui you na me yi tian..i dunno who i like rite now..
i noe my feelins for xiner is there...but i have to let it go.
frens frm other class stare at me,with a look...
a sarcastic look.im sad..i dun even mean to brk sherilyn
meimei..her heart.,...im sorri.very sorrie..i seriously wan the
best for my meimei...i cant even be bothered with the yeo
girl le lahhs..haiiss...sad case...i wan my meimei to be
happi..im sad.cuz i cant believe that...people has been givin
me that look..i nid a break from all this hurts!gosh,how i wish
my meimei wuld forgive me...i am sad.i realli am.i dun wan to
break my meimei heart...meimei,pls forgive me=[..i would do
anythin...if i can make u smile again.haiiss...somehow i hope,i
had nvr knew xiner..but,oh well...this is my life..
i just have to go to wherever it leads me too...my life is all dash.
i cant be bothered with xiner anymore...we walk pass each other
without a hello or what.we just,simply walk pass lyk this.haiiss,,

i wan to love esther back.but her feelin is with zhihao,
she will nvr lyk me back.i tried to care alot for her..
i wan her to noe..i wan her to understand..
that i can like her back.i wan to...i wan her..i wan her to
feel the love i gave her before...once more..to let her feel it.
but its a PITY cuz when i lyk xiner,i seriously has no feelin
feelin for esther le...for xiner i first time give up on esther.
though seriously i care alot for esther..cant possibly ask me to
give up totally on esther mahhs..nvmx lahh.since she wants me to
go lyk esther,well,....ILOVEESTHER!!!haiiss..i may sound heartless.
but if this is the onli wae mahhs..to forget xiner.feelin has totally faded..

i hope i wont hurt anymore people...people who seriously care for me..
lyk natalie,gera wu,kuku,PIG,kat,shilin,shirley,hafi,gwen,suzlynn,zhenxiu
,rena,jiaqian,another half,sarah laogong..
and much more....hey,wake joanna yong!its not as if my life is gone.
i am still alright arrx!haiiss...i noe i have alot of frens by my side...
if janelle they all gonna give me that look,i wont have to care...i have
others fren...AND ESPECIALLY SWEETIE!!!!i just have to find mysself..
let me take sum time to..okie?joanna can smile...ya she is smilin everydae..
she has more smile in her than tears...its bcuz,she's runnin away from the
truth..afraid of gettin hurt=[

i am bein suspended from social studies class.i cant go back anymore..
till the last dae of the year...sigh..i never go for 5items..i have no mood to..
and also,i cried in my english lesson todae..i receive a heartbreakin leta.
why shed tears for sumthin lyk this?i dunno..its all beyond my control.
haiiss..rena n jessica broke up todae...i comforted rena..she cried...
i told her alot of things..to let go etc..but what abt me?i myself dun even
wan to listen to what others sae haiiss...i am SAD.i seriously am!

i dun wan to hear tat u are goin.

i thot that u wuld be my fren,

i dun wan to be left anymore.

u told me that u love me,

it was stupid of me to believe.

we are too young to even feel tt wae.

but i nvr thot tt u would leave,

i cant turn back the clock.

i wouldnt ever wan to hurt u.

i nid u to be my rock,

i cant delete u from my life,

i tink abt u everydae.

but i cant make u lyk me again..

all i could ask is,

would u please stay?

im nt askin much from u!=[

i realise siewling likes xiner=[

i realise sherilyn mei lyks her too..

that is what i heard from my*laogong.haiiss..

xiner likes sumone..we will nvr be together again.

so joanna yong,please get out of thatr dream that

is leadin u to no where except to a place called hell!!

nvr ever will we be togetheR!!!nvr ever!!

*my tears cant help it but to flow down now*

imagine me without you,haiiss...how i wish..a dae wil

come..when we can be back together,where i am able to

hear that u sae tt u stil loves me.at least for the last time!

ive shed countless tears for u,but all u sae is that,my leta

is simply nth but just craps and rubbish!!!sobsob*

i need you...return back to me..

i am so lost and confused...

rainbow after the storm,

i will be alright.soon after

the storm is thru..just guide

me thru rite now..seriously i

dunno how am i going to live now.

haiiss...

my darlin huiqing torn my heart apart that dae.

a leta from her,that seriously tear my heart!

we've ended our frenship...its torn...

misunderstandin is all that causes us to end!

im sorrie.veri sorrie.i cant be there for you,

ANYMORE!!!

cried on,

17:28.

its gonna be tears

n blood that

im shedin=[

2006-04-09T07:20:00.000-07:00

its the truth..i can nvr be with her.
she dun lyk me.
i muz let go.
i have to.haiiss
i cant go on anymore..
sad case..

wo hao ai ta=[

2006-04-09T05:31:00.000-07:00

i know when im at my saddest moment.,
rachel jiejie will be there for me.
though we are nt close anymore,
but i noe,i will owax have her by my side,
even though she pinch me til..
haiiss..well,i love u jiejie..
thanks for owax bein here for me=]
slysly owax bully me lahh..
keep saein i veri what or more ..
but anywae,i still wanna thank
you for bein there to cheer me up..
with ur lame jokes...n craps,..
thanks..
thers no need to worry for me.
its life.i have to go on with it.
i will just go to wherever life takes me to.

_*hui you na me yi tian,
zai dui ni shuo shen wo ai ni*_

2006-04-09T02:35:00.000-07:00

my life has to go on...even if u're not by my side.

life sucks like nvr before..all im feelin now is pain.
pain pain pain n more pain...
alright,lets start from what exactly happen,
yesterdae.
i was out at sentosa...soon after that i was with tianqin,wendy,gera n lydia.
was suppose to meet esther at nite de lo..but.haiss,nvr le.yupp,well than we saw benjamin that whole group lo..nt exactly know them de...wha play true or dare,i am bein dare to kiss tianqin lips..alright dare le..than...i was at the beach...
i wrote on the sand,i realli do miss xiner.haiiss..my handphone pictures is all about what i write lo.
well,than we take mrt supposedly wan go back home de...just wen i was at the bugis station..xiner told me its a permanent break.her feelin has faded.totall..she ask me to give her up..i controlled..until payalebar,i get down(we have a date this cumin fri at singapore post=[)
i sat there,i cried n cried.kuku was beside me.i cried..lyk nvr before.i have no appetite to eat or anythin.
kuku ask if we shld go sum place,we have nvr go before.i was too weak too even answer..i have nt eaten for two daes.sigh...tha,benjamin(gabriel that group)called us...askin us to go down lake side...chang cheng(that haunted place next to super bowl)we took mrt down there.
then when we reach there...shock dao...got around 24 guys...plus me n kuku is 5 girls lo..haiiss.. go in to the chang cheng..i scared hor..wendy scare me until i more brave den her lo..hahas.
stupid kuku go n grab wenjie hand lahh...hahs..well,too bad sumone nvr go..if nt the situation wil change lo.haiiss...den*ahem...well,nvmx..
i was lost in the change cheng..stupid kuku too obsess over guys..wha...i hold the guy that hand...humji until hor...can go laosai lahhs...den i was lost....i veri sad lahh..thats why nt too scare..haiiss.than hours later they found me in the theatre...with lotsa glass n so dark,..i was lyk stonin there..haiiss.then we walk the whole chang cheng...stupid kuku hold the wen jie hand...until wha...cool man..hahas...
haiiss...got a white colour guy..cute man...but,...i got xin shang ren le lo..haiiss...overall,i still like yeo xin er!!!haiiss,esther lyk her zhihao den*_ _ _ _ got people lyk de..well,muz slowly forget her....than later we went to malay cementry...we first go chinese cementry den so scary...too bad that guy who hold my hand in the changcheng*not gonna mention*noe there..if not i not so scare le..hahas..wendy tan still zhou TAO HUA YUN leh..
the cementry so scary..its dark..i walk alone..behind me got two boys..i veri scare la...i stil see people tiao tang...is the ghost go in the body de..haiiss...sad sad..i scare.but...im sadder thats why i not that scold..i just walk all the way straight..my whole mind..im thinkin of xiner..haiiss..nth else..
after that me n wendy go to the gabriel house n ton...wha...hahas...haiiss..
a veri sad dae lo..

joanna love xiner.
she'll nvr noe what im goin thru.
i cant sleep,afraid of wakin up with tears in my eyes.
afraid of spendin the nite alone,not knowin what wil i do.
afraid of missing you,scare that i will break down.
i dun mind not being together,
but all i wan,is to at least stay as frens.
if ure gonna sae u dun love me anymore,
i will get out of ur life immediately.
wont u feel the pain,im feelin rite now?
its just like a knife,stabbin thru my heart.
i cant find a reason why,i love u so much.
hold on or to let go,i dunno...
i will just slowly let my feelins fade..
when will the dae comes,when ive forgotten u?
the dae will come,when everyone gets to see my smile.
when my heart is mend..but i guess,somehow...
it will be a long wae ahead.
you once promise,nvr to make me cry anymore.
nvr to rve break my heart.
now,a word 'sorri n u ended our story.
u left me alone,sufferin in this world.
dreams have a wae of fadin away.
but sumhow,im still holdin on to dream..
that will nvr cum true n its impossible.
i dun wan to see u sufferin alone,
i wan to help u thru.
whether as a lover or a fren..
i want to help you.i seriously wan to.
it takes sumone special to make a person smile,
when there are alreadi tears in her eyes.
i wan u to be the one,
to be there to wipe my tears away.
i noe im nt suppose to sae this,
but still,
xiner,i love you.
i seriously realli do.

2006-04-07T06:01:00.000-07:00

im speechless...
i have nth else to sae..all im feelin now..is misery..
another news that broke out,hurtin me once again.
its a pain i cant handle.a pain that cause me..to break down lyk nvr before.sth that sbreak my heart..
wo bu neng shi qu ni=[
we broke up todae...sigh...i have 2.4km run todae...its a sad dae...u noe,i care alot for esther..i dunno why..before 2.4km run i was super extremely sad.i cried n smoke 4 sticks..actualli is 5.but one drop down the window..whats happenin?haiss,kuku,katherine n adeline together with me..in my hse all cry la..wendy slept on the bed n cry,kat was sittin at the door n cry,adeline seat n cried in between my drawer n bed there..me?!?!i stood up,facin the window..my tears just flow down...i pretend sae i go into my mum room take money but i open the drawer door,i squat there n cry..i cant hold on to my tears anymore...we rush down to the bedok there..then,i almost cried while runnin...i kept on goin..i wan to persearve...so i run all the wae,think i came in num.7 in class..hopefully can get top 10=[
after my run,the first person i saw was liane den esther.well,i was lyk..happi that i saw esther there...after my runs,i immediately go ard to find money...cuz i dunno where i put my bag.so i borrowed from ger...den i ran all the wae to esther hse the provision shop just to buy jellybeans..i ran back..i was pantin lyk mad lahh...than esther came in first..actualli see my sweetie maryann wanna go the finishin line de..but den we both stop at the same time...den i ask her go,but she ask me to go.so i went there..n help esther together with adeline..she is like..so unstable...see her sad arrx....get her chairs drink n etc...then found my bag...receive a call...from xiner...ask me sum stuff lahh...i now listenin to shang hu hai...haiiss!!!felt lyk cryin can./..but i cant...
den janelle tel me sae,dun be too soft hearted etc....dunno lorr...hang up on her...janelle called her...sae sum stuff...den she sort of tel janelle sth....jan keep dun wan to tel me...end up i ask her sae...den she sae xiner want to break with me!!!!!!!!!!!i immediately cried lahhs...esther came...took the phone away...n talk to xiner .haiiss...janelle so swit lahh..haiiss...didnt noe she'll care so much for me...thanks thanks..haiss..den,i cried until soooo.haiiss....jiaqian almost cried for me..even sarah..everyne was lyk comfortin me..i was lyk...super sad..gosh,
even rachel jiejie n slysly ask me wad happen..al i could do is to cry...cry n cry n cry.even till now...i stood there...not noein what to do..except to sae..'my one month is approchin yet...'haiss.nvmx lahh...al is done le lo..haiiss...nvmx lahh...den....esther ye just walk away from me lyk this..haiiss...
now im in tingwen' house..i cried..i feel so.....sad...guess sweetie's sadder=x

sweetie,

i noe ure sad..we're exactly sharin the same fate.

but,rmb,its u who lyks her first.

she cant do anything..

*hq is sort of onli_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ her..

(wanna noe the word,ask me)

i will support u..

i noe ure sad n veri down..

but im sorri,i cant be there,

i tried to..but i failed..

there's no need to hide ur feelins frm me.

i noe how u feel...

ive gone thru it before...

but,i willl guide u...i'll help u..

allow me,okie?ilu_*

joanna to maryann.

lyk what i sae,life's in a mess for me..but,ill stil stand strong..no one's gonne see the tears i cry..no one will ever see it ANYMORE.i swear!i need a breakk....from everythingg....just let me be=x

lifes tirin..i cant go on anylonger.. no one knows what im goin thru..its onli me.

haiiss born in this world,

for a false purpose..nothin's the reason at al=x

no onw h\know what im goin thru..

anyone out there???

get me out of this nightmares=[

i cant live on any longer...

i know... i have to seriously let things go.haiiss...

2006-03-28T00:50:00.000-08:00

its time to face the truth
cause i'll never be with you=[

2006-03-28T00:45:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry for all the things I said

And for all the countless tears you shed

For all the pain I put you through

I never meant to be so cruel

For all those times I broke your heart

I'm so sorry for the times I drifted apart

For all the times I made you cry

I didn't mean to, I promise, it ain't no lie

If I ever broke your trust

If I made you feel that you're not loved

If you feel that I'm never there

Please believe me my love, I still care

If you feel that you're the last in my lin

eAnd that I don't give you enough of my time

I'm sorry, I know, I've made mistakes

And I know things may never be the same

But when I said you're the one, I meant it I swear

And so many times, I've tried to be there

But somehow, someway, I never get it right

And one way or another, we end up in a fight

Time and again I've tried to show

that you're the only one I want

But somehow, even if things work out right

The happiness never lasts for all time

You're not to blame and neither am I

Maybe we're not meant to be, you and I

Sometimes it takes more than love you see

To live happily together eternallyIt takes a lot of sacrifice

To believe one day, it'll workout just right

I'm willing to take that chance with you

Are you willing to do the same thing too

I don't want to let you go'

Cause you're the only one who makes me glow

Please sweetheart, just this time

Lets give our love, just one more try...

and it shall be the last chance=x

2006-03-28T00:41:00.000-08:00

+___________+youwillowaxbemylittleprincess+___________+

When I'm with you

Eternity is a step away.

My love continues to grow

With each passing day

This treasure of love,

I cherish within my soul,

How much I love you...

You'll never really know.

You bring a joy to my heart,

I've never felt before

With each touch of your hand,

I love you more and more.

Whenever we say goodbye,

Whenever we part,

Know I hold you dearly,

Deep inside my heart.

So these eight words,

I pray you hold true,

"Forever and ever,I will always love you."

2006-03-27T23:52:00.000-08:00

todae was a bad dae.xiaoj came up to confront n sae me.i cried lahh.was realli disappointed.she accuse me..when i actualli nvr do anythin at all...yupp.sigh..forget it lahh...sumhow i hope she'll understand me=[
sum f**kin ch**bye idiot asshole tag my blog sae what i n xiner dunno what...i shall sue her arrx.if i noe who that person is ,just beta watch out lo!humji ixit that person.dare to write nobody den dun dare write their own name.siao ehhx lahhs!!i ganpua dulan le lahh now.
xiner disappoint me alot lo.i walk away she dun even care.gosh so pissed off.deborah haf fights with me.i pinch her till got blood den she pull my hais,n make me fall unto the floor lahhs.wha now my arm is swollen lo...*painpain*
esther pass by me just now.when i was sittin outside class...den we are just lyk totally dunno each others.yupp...ermx...why wont she forgif me?she rather side others den me.its owax like this.sigh.nvmx...there's nth for us too....
joanna misses xiner...gosh,when wil the dae cum,when she actualli noes how to change.oh ya,yesterdae,she cried infront of me.gosh,sweetheart muz realli be upset.she treat janelle so good lahh.but she dunno how to appreciate her.stil do tis to her yesterdae.hmph...badbad...

cause its all over]=

2006-03-27T00:45:00.001-08:00

im now waitin for my sweetheart to end her cca.hahas..she is so swit ehhx...ermx...hmmm...she tried to kiss me just now..stunned lah...hahas...
my mother came school just now...i have to spray dunno how much of spray..just to get my smoke smell out of me.hahas.went to smoke opposite sch..me,gera n xiner were smokin while others....nah...nothing..yupp...
todae in school...was kindly angry n discouraged...dunno why xiao like that treat me..think she heard sum wrong stuff from others...forget about it lahhs.....they are like all ignorin me...what did i do=[
think me n esther arrx...gonnna break frenship soon...or perhaps,shld i saer,is already break le?she mistaken me oso...gosh....think i realli veri suay this few daes..what to do ehhx...forget it.,.i have my sweet heart,im satisfied.
joanna yong misses yeo xiner...feelin lost without her...she's my everything=]

its alright if everydae my sweetheart brings me sadness,will have to trust in her...maybe in her heart,there's still other..perhaps she wont tel me.but its alright..at least,she trys her veri best to make me smile everydae,im already contented..i will ask for nothin den this=]

do xiner reali likes me?

i noe i shld nt doubt her.

but,im confused...

i feel like...

i dunno how...

i dun mean to brk her heart..

if i ever did lahh..

haiiss..at least sweetheart dun break my heart as much as how esther ye breaks mine.or shld i sae,im totally obsess for esther that time?well,forget it..its all the past...all i nid now..is my sweetheart=]

shout out:joanna lurve xiner=]

2006-03-20T01:34:00.002-08:00

yesterdae i noe a truth.a truth that is so scary.gosh.a truth that makes me live in fear.hahas.well,its alright..but den,haiiss..im confused..who shld i____ermx..forget it lo.well,its not save to write it here.

my another half muz realli be indeed veri sad..gosh..she is lyk...breakin down infront of me..sigh..sadness has completely filled her empty heart..all thanks to that gal which took her heart away n nv even mend it back.heartless gal..muz help my another half,yutin,no matter what..cannot see her sad..i was abt to break down with her just down..but,oh well,seems she's sad,i muz be strong enough to pull her thru her sadness...

to yutin,just rmb..i love you..u will owax be my best another half!!no one can replace u.i will help u thru those times..wen u have to suffer..to give up on her..i will pull u thru..i swear!!

i love you!!!

2006-03-20T01:34:00.001-08:00

i love you!!!

2006-03-20T01:34:00.000-08:00

i love you!!!

2006-03-16T23:55:00.000-08:00

another truth has been revealed..that in ur heart,there is sumone else.sigh..whats with all this breakin n tearin up other peoples heart?by those shockin news n nightmares?

another truth has been revealed,that break my heart into pieces once more..that makes me nvr even wants to trust in love again..sigh..

u came into my life once again,if onli,all this can stop as a dream for me n u.a dream that will nvr be destroy..but,as ive said,its a dream...after all,i noe i cant run aweay from reality.

im nt gonna sae how i feel,nt gonna sae how much my heart is breakin.n im nt gonna sae,how i feel towards u anymore.sigh...cuz,its all lies!!!

confusion in me..sigh..wat to do?i feel so hopeless,so tired of life...i dun have anyone i can trust anymore in life...no one will noe how i feel,no one=x

its a choice for both of us,

a choice we both have to made.

to let it go,

or to stay with it.

a choice,which neither of us,

would actually be happy with.

the truth starts to tear us up.

i will have to make a choice,

which i noe it wil hurts,

but i rather choose it now.

than to ever regret in th regret=[

i dun wann to love u anymore.sigh...

2006-03-15T21:30:00.000-08:00

a nightmares has finally been revealed out.a nightmares that causes everyone to be so tore apart.that causes everyone to be so broken...

the truth has finally been set free.our hopes and dreams are all dash...the truth is so hurtin.have been keepin al of us in the dark...

the world is happy without u.but,truth has been out.that causes all of us to be so shock.to be so hurt.torn into many shattered pieces.frens are all breakin down.frens are all so hurt.who would understand what ive been goin thru?gosh!!

didnt expect life to be in such a mess...everything is so confusin now..everything that changes the whole situation..changes all ard us...sigh..

sigh..wont u understand?ur choice for makin the decision,end up causin everyone to be so sad=[..

its all untold lies...untold lies!!!

i miss my sweet heart!!!

sigh,wont u be mine?

wont u be by my side?

wont u sae u love me too?

2006-03-14T20:01:00.000-08:00

its a nightmares for me.yes it is,sth that ive nvr expected that it would happen..
why is this nightmares huntin me so badly?i cant find a wae out.sigh....life is so unfair?why?
haiiss...the news finalle broke out to so many of us.its hurtin ...sth no one would wan to hear.esp for my kuku...i noe she's not ok..she is brave..sigh,if i were her,i wouldnt be able to accept the fact..sigh..
i have sum confusion in me nowadaes...life is so tiring.i need sum break from all this stuff...anyone out there..pls help me=[

if i cry,will u wipe my tears for me?
if im sad,wuld u comfort me?
if im hurt,wuld u heal the pain?
if im alone,wuld u be by my side?
if im lost in the darkness,wuld u be my light?
if im scare,wuld u hold me tight?
if i made a mistake,wuld u make it right?
if im weak,wuld u give me strength?
if i wan u,wuld u wan me too?

a word 'sorry' n u ended our story=[

its a mistake we;ve all made.
a mistake that break n tore everyone apart.
a mistake which no one wuld eva expected.
a mistake that causes everythin..
to be nvr the same again=[

its a sad path for us..
but stil,we have to choose.
we have to accept the fact..
a fact that need time..
for everyone to accept..
sth that tore us apart..
n sth that breaks us up=[

a lie which has been kept in the dark..
a lie which is breakin everyone's heart.
a lie which no one had eva expected.
and
a lie which leads everything to hatred.

i have a nightmares
which i have to be strong,
n to accept the fact.
a nightmares,that causes me,
to be so torn apart.
the choices u've made,
break everyone apart.
wont u understand?

untold lies___
which has been revealed=[

_*yew.sae.goodbye.too.many.time.but.im.stil.holding.on*_

_yew.sae.goodbye.too.many.time.but.im.stil.holding.on_